Clone Cat Can Coo

Spruce up the tree, the year's running on end.

2011-06-13T04:20:00.006+08:00

Almost 5am in the morning and craving for a stick. Rather depressed recently. Once again, life is on a standstill.

The world whirls around me, kicks up the leaves, ruffles the papers someone is holding, a lady smoothes down her skirt, the mothers with prams hurry indoors, the frisky boys chase each other in the wind. In the midst of chaos only one is still. It could only be me. Every step forward, every change of direction, i step into my own footsteps once again. Look around, everything's changed. But i'm still here. I scream it out loud, but it seems only i could hear it in my head. Wait for me, i lament but no one hears.

How can it be that every step forward seems to be a step right back to where i was?

It doesn't matter that i had a head start.

It doesn't matter how much hard work i've put in.

It doesn't matter what i do.

I'm started out first in the race but now i'm the last man in line waiting to be picked for the game. Sometimes, a little luck wouldn't hurt. And seriously, that little luck could mean a world of difference. So i figured.

Hell, let's start with change. And there goes my hair first. Superstition or not, losing some baggage could help me find a way out of this cycle of quarter-life crisis. Right?

♥ Clarisse ♥

Love is not the most powerful thing in the world.

2011-03-16T13:29:00.003+08:00

Been reading rather extensively for the last couple of days and i fell in love with the prologue of The Unknown Terrorist. For all its hilarity, it makes certain sense and has a ring of truth to it. And if truth is what it really says, not only is that a warped sense of the world and love, but one that would shake many believers' idea of their God and humankind....

The idea that love is not enough is a particularly painful one. In the face of its truth, humanity has for centuries tried to discover in itself evidence that love is the greatest force on earth.

Jesus is an especially sad example of this unequal struggle. The innocent heart of Jesus could never have enough of human love. He demanded it, as Nietzsche observed, with hardness, with madness, and had to invent hell as punishment for those who withheld their love from him. In the end he created a god who was "wholly love" in order to excuse the hopelessness and failure of human love.

Jesus, who wanted love to such an extent, was clearly a madman, and had no choice when confronted with the failure of love but to seek his own death. In his understanding that love was not enough, in his acceptance of the necessity of the sacrifice of his own life to enable the future of those around him, Jesus is history's first, but not the last, example of a suicide bomber.

Nietzsche wrote, "I am not a man, i am dynamite". It was the image of a dreamer. Everyday now somebody somewhere is dynamite. They are not an image. They are the walking dead, and so are the people who are standing round them. Reality was never made by realists, but by dreamers like Jesus and Nietzsche.

Nietzsche began to fear that what drove the world forward was all that was destructive and evil about it. In his writings he tried to reconcile himself to such a terrible world.

But one day, he saw a cart horse being beaten brutally by its driver. He rushed out and put his arms around the horse's neck, and would not let go. Promptly diagnosed as mad, he was locked away in an asylum for the rest of his life.

Nietzsche had even less explanation than Jesus for love and its various manifestations: empathy, kindness, hugging a horse's neck to stop it being beaten. In the end, Nietzsche's philosophy could not even explain Nietzsche, a man who sacrifice his life for a horse.

Written by Richard Flanagan in The Unknown Terrorist.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Solly, my England velly not good.

2011-03-04T04:37:00.003+08:00

Started on the impossibly crazy task of cataloging my books - 127 so far and not even halfway through. It's weird. Every book you don't own is bloody interesting. Every book you own, you can't be bothered to read them. So here i am, having all these books and not having read most of them.

I've been at it since afternoon but it's taking really long as i keep getting sidetracked and ended up reading one book or another. But here's an excerpt from a book i never knew i had, till now.

Hardship Posting: True Tales of Expat Misadventures in Asia
Introduction by Colonel Ken Oathe

"Solly, my England velly not good".
True tales of language problems and miscommunications in Asia.

Most people's first exposure to the Claymore-infested minefield of language barriers was probably when trying to follow the instruction manual of a Chinese, Japanese or Korean-made appliance back home. Blow me down! I did better following the flaming Greek or German instructions than the English ones.

In Culture Shock, Alfredo and Grace Roces put it better than anybody - "The Western visitor finds he is talking the same language but not communicating at all. With a sinking feeling he realises he is not in America, or England, or Canada but in an entirely different world."

Thank God, it's not just me then. In this case, they're talking about The Philippines, though it's equally applicable to other Asian countries as well. But the Filipinos do have the reputation of being the best and widest speakers of English, which only exacerbates the probem. (In fact i was nearly 20 before i learned that there's nothing wrong with exacerbation, and you can't go blind from it.)

Some made it easier for themselves. Dave the history-wallah says that Sir Stamford Raffles, to his credit, studied Malay, but also had Singapore's first linguist., Munshi Abdullah, at his elbow to bridge the gap between English and Malay speakers but when they changed Singapore's language to Chinese he was completely stuffed.

I do admire people who take the time and effort to learn the local lingo, though. I do. Anyone with cheeks that can resist that much slapping deserves to be successful. I mean Cantonese has 9 inflections for each word, for crying out loud. Mandarin's a breeze - there are only 4. But you'll need to know about 3,000 of those squiggly words to be fluent.

Like anywhere, you'll always seem to learn the naughty words first. So of course i can get in to trouble in just about every Asian port i call on, but have barely enough of the local lingo to get out of trouble.

It's hard to explain that feeling to your friends or family who have only ever lived in Countryside England, or Boise Idaho, that feeling of sheer... sheer... aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhhh!!! when you've had an average morning and pop out to get a sandwich and a banana for lunch and you might as well be Marcel Marceau. The sounds don't help at all, no matter how you round your mouth, how clearly you enunciate it in the Queen's English, or how many time and HOW LOUD YOU REPEAT YOURSELF. So you end up gesticulating like some crazy circus animal until you end up with your sandwich and banana. Sometimes i think they do it on purpose... let's see how weird i can get this white guy with the big nose in the loud shirt to act - How bad does he want this banana? Hmmm, pretty badly obviously. Like making dolphins jump through flaming hoops for a measly morsel of sardine. Oh, i love Asia!

But if the heart attack doesn't get to you, it's also one of the fun aspects of living abroad... bridging those little cultural chasms with a kind of mish-mash language hybrid that even a blue-collar pigeon, the dropout product of the government school system, would be ashamed of.

Makes you feel ready for the Diplomatic Corp. Which reminds me, i've not heard back from my recent application. I want to be the Australian High Commissioner to Koh Samui and i dare anyone to think they are more eminently-qualified.

Or maybe if they don't need me in Koh Samui, somewhere like Cebu in the Philippines wouldn't be bad. All you got to do in The Philippines is say a three-letter word and everyone's happy. This word has about 11 different shades of it in that country, ranging from "absotively posilutely" to "maybe" to "dream on, Joe". The simple word is "yes".

No wonder my friends at The Lonely Planet say English in The Philippines "Sometimes varies wildly from standard English."

And what about Japanese? Just to say "never mind" is doozo ki-ni masarazuni. Or "that's too bad" is Sore-wa okinodoku-desu-ne. Even if it wasn't Ok you'd just say Ok to get the matter over and done with. Especially with my Alzheimered mind... you've got to delete a word to add a new one in. And here's a phrase that i would have to purge an entire chapter for: Motto yukkuri hanashite-itadajemasu-ka, which means "could you speak more slowly?". Now i don't know about you, but if i could say that, then i'd probably be bloody fluent already! Again with "We can't speak Japanese"...Watashitachi-wa nihongo-ga hanamasen. What's wrong with "no speaku Japanesu"? Afterall, you do chekku-auto from your hotel after you have slept in your beddo.

It drove my good friend Dave Barry to despair. "I wanted to scream, HOW CAN YOU NOT UNERSTAN ENGLISH WHEN ALLAY LONG YOU LISTEN TO 'DO-WAH-DIDDY DIDDY DUM DIDDY DO?" he wrote in his masterly tome, Dave Barry Does Japan. (Note to editor: Hmmm, maybe we should call this book "Col. Ken Does Asia." What do you think? It worked for this Barry guy.)

I always love hearing conversations which rattle on in local lingo then all of a sudden there is an English word in there as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Like "rinkydinkydadudinkdinkdink transfer interrupted, rinkydinkydadu modem connection." Love it! Then you nod you head as if you're following the conversation and they say, "Oh, you understand?" and you say "Sure you're having a bit of a problem with your computer," and they go, "Waah, you understand velly good."

Bahasa Malayu is a bit like that too... well, not the formal language, but the way it has been adopted for modern usage. It's quite handy because now you can simply catch a teksi to the kustoms kompleks and get your visa stamped at imigresen there.

Speaking of catching cabs, did you know there's no Thai word for gonorrhea and syphilis? Pete the pornographer, sorry, photographer told me. but i've always loved the fact that the Thai word for "liver" is tab. It's like cause and effect... if you pick up the tab too often, you'll get liver damage.

That's what i like... practical languages. Unlike English.

♥ Clarisse ♥

No more babies please!

2011-03-03T19:36:00.002+08:00

Recently, in one of the dinner meet-ups with the usual poly gang, the word "Parenthood" was brought up. Mark's friends apparently, had been having parenthood discussions. I don't know about the rest of the poly peeps but i was horrified at the thought that someday, WE would be talking about parenting or god forbids, BABIES when we have our usual dinner meet-up.

The day that happens, we should go out and get ourselves drunk. No shit man. We shouldn't be talking about babies. God, no.

It seems inevitable that babies start popping up in your life as you grow older. There's no escaping. I see friends getting knocked up, hear about shotgun gossips of who and who, who used to be from which class, and the worse shit of all?

PEOPLE WHO POST EVERY SINGLE SHIT OF THEIR NEWBORN BABIES ON FACEBOOK.

Yes, i geddit you would like to share your joy.

Yes, i geddit some people get news of your baby through Facebook.

But isn't posting cutesy photos of the baby enough?

Why must people post updates like "Send baby for vaccination, the moment the needle went into her, she wailed, my heart broke into a million pieces and i cried. It felt like i was the one giving her the pain. Now, the person who watched (some gore scary movie) without cringing is crying in the doctor's room."

or pictures of breast milk stored in a fridge.

I don't know man, but it freaks the shit out of me when i get all these intimate and too in-depth details about newborn babies or parenthood. 2 years ago, there were no baby stuff on my facebook. Starting this year, at the last count, there were 6 babies on my face book.

THIS IS AN EXPONENTIAL JUMP, NO SHIT.

By this end of this year, who knows, my Facebook might as well name it to BABYBOOK.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

♥ Clarisse ♥

The Prologue to Death

2011-02-20T00:10:00.004+08:00

We begin to die with our first breath. Death is inside us, ticking closer, closer, with every beat of our heart. It is the end no man can escape. Yet we cling to life, we worship it despite its transcience. Or perhaps, because of it.

But all the while, we wonder of death. We build monuments to it, revere it with our rituals, What will our death be? We ask ourselves. Will it be sudden and swift, long and lingering? Will there be pain? Will it come after a long, full life, or will we be cut off - violently, inexplicably - in our prime?

When is our time? For death is for all time.

We create an afterlife because we cannot rush through our days chased by the specter of an end. We make gods who guide us, who will greet us at golden gates to lead us into an eternal land of milk and honey.

We are children, bound hand and foot by the chains of good with its eternal reward, and evil with its eternal punishment. And so, most never truly live, not freely.

I have studied life and death.

There is only one purpose. To live. To live free. To become. To know, with each breath, you are more than the shadows. You are the light, and the light must be fed, absorbed from any and all sources. Then, the end is not death. In the end we become the light.

They will say i am mad, but i have found sanity. I have found Truth and Salvation. When i have become, what i am, what i do, and what i have created will be magnificent.

And we will all live forever.

Portrait in Death, J.D Roberts

♥ Clarisse ♥

Wanderlust.

2011-01-21T01:07:00.002+08:00

It's me. Been a long time i guess.

Have concepts to write but i'm feeling restless, figured i'll blow off some steam here. I'm actually staring at the screen all poised and ready to type but nothing comes to mind. Hell. What the fuck am i doing here when i have a deadline due in the morning?

Sometimes i wished i was a more determined person, or that i don't get fascinated by ideas and things and people so easily. In general i do well in life. I'm sociable, i get along well with people, i'm pretty smart, i've always done well in school despite not working as hard as my peers, when it comes to work i do things just fine, and i can survive doing any type of job and i adapt well to different situations. But why do i always feel so aimless, always wanting something more, but not knowing what is it?

I get fascinated with so many ideas, but i usually learn just enough to understand before boredom sets in and i move my sights on something else. Behavioural analysis, the illuminati, religion of geometry, astronomy, banksy, alfred hitchcock, trance and electronic music, books, authors, singers, tarot cards, ketna patel, the gates of baltazhar, traveling, shakespeare, oscar wilde, foreign languages, antiques, the list goes on.

It goes the same way with work. One moment i aspire to become a novel writer, the next i'm decorating film sets, then i did casting for a bit, then it's back to writing concepts and scripts, a bit of producing and coordinating here and there, then i wanted to open my own book store/cafe, and then i thought about selling antiques or become a blog owner, and i tried a bit of events, a bit of magazine writing, tried talent managing, thought about becoming a journalist, changed my mind, wondered about working as a corp comms executive, then decide i'd like to become an artist, or take up visual comm and end up decorating window displays and maybe, just maybe, i'd just save up money and open my own stationery shop and make my own pretty brown notebooks.

Why can't i just settle down with one thing, and put all my focus on doing the best i can at it? But no, my wandering heart just picks up a bag, throws it over the shoulder and go traipsing off again, damn it.

And so, here i am. Turning 23 in less than two weeks time and where am i in life? Who am i? What have i achieved? Did i make a difference? Did i live my life to the fullest? Have i lived a life devoid of regrets? Am i happy?

I don't know. And it seriously peeves me off not knowing. I should know by now, shouldn't i? I can't just wander through things and people forever, i need to settle down somewhere, someday, isn't that how things are supposed to be?

It freaks the shit out of me, thinking about settling down. Living my life with the same person for years, doing the same job over and over again, hanging out with the same people and talking about the same old topics. Having kids, and its a forever thing as well. I can't just up and go if i hate my kids right? Then what should i do, god forbid, if i don't like my children? What am i going to do with them? I shudder to think of that.

So here i am, OH WAIT I JUST HAD A DEJAVU MOMENT I THINK I DID A SIMILAR BLOG POST BEFORE.

Sometimes, i think i'm like a rodent in a cage. Digging in the corner for a moment, up running a wheel at the next, nibbling some nuts after. Always doing something different, always trying to run and escape, but always trapped in that same single space.

Happy birthday to me.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Passing people passing places

2010-11-03T04:11:00.003+08:00

As one moves on, inevitably, you leave some things behind. Places, memories, people and even parts of yourself. When you look back on a certain past, certain people or certain memories, what comes up to mind?

Do you pine for friends that you've moved apart from? I see photos of friends i used to be close to and flashbacks of the good old times comes into mind naturally, bringing on a wry smile as i think of the things we used to do together.

A girl friend in primary school who cried because we made her bring home all the free milk powder we got at some health exhibition and insinuated she needed them for her assets. Rather mean, but that's what you get when you're kids and sensitivity isn't much on the agenda or sensibilities.

This intern boy who was a year or two younger than me whom i met at work. The first boy i slow danced with, who told me about his adventures of fishing, catching reptiles, keeping venomous snakes at home. And we ended up at his place after a chalet, and till this day, i don't know whether it was a blessing or just the quirky way life pans out sometimes, that he had a back injury when we shared a bed together.

A writer who connected with me, almost straightaway. And could talk on and on about almost everything - work gossips, famous directors, philosophy, art, and mostly, questions that had no answers. Our relationship was a half-played blackjack. One card more, a word here, a whisper there, a little sign, a look, a gesture would reveal our mutual attraction. We knew, but never spoke about it, never opening the last card, choosing to remain what that we were and keeping what that we had. It's an exquisite thing - how we both could read each other so clearly and chose the same path for us, just like that.

All these people that shared memories, places that memories were created in, an old self that has since been discarded. Times there are, that i want to see that young girl i was. To revisit a place and recreate the memories. To connect back with friends to find that deep connection and easy laughter.

But i know memories are just what they are. To be remembered. It's not going to be the same even if i bring back all the right people to the same place. I would really want those moments to be real again, those friendships solid once again, those places to be what they were. I could, at any time, call up these friends and ask them out.

Then again, there's a beauty in memories. And by trying to recreate those memories would only tarnish them. If it's going to be a wistful tug of the heartstrings and a wry smile on the face, that would suffice.

Because it's enough to know, that you have a past that is beautiful to look at.

♥ Clarisse ♥

New Nokia X3 Trial.

2010-10-13T03:59:00.004+08:00

Long hiatus from blogging!

Nel mezzo del cammin de nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura
che la diritta via era smarrita

As written by Dante, along the journey of my life, i hit a dark patch and lost the right pathway in which i was supposed to go. Took me sometime to get over and move on and now i'm back to being me once again. I think the scary part of getting hurt is not knowing whether just how much of myself i will find back eventually.

Anyway, on a less somber note, I was given a Nokia X3 handset by Ripplevox early this month for a free trial and was supposed to blog about it BUT there has been some minor hiccups which is causing a delay in the entry. Hopefully i will be able to sort it out with the folks at Ripplevox and be able to put up a smashing entry up on the new phone.

But as of now, after using the phone for a few days earlier this month, i would say that is it generally a decent phone, perhaps my liking for it will go up by 20% if i had the pink handset instead of the boring uncle silver one, but well, pink wasn't available when we first got the trial sets and later on when i saw it at a mobile retailer, i think my eyes glossed over at the sight of the pink handset.

SO CHIO!

Hopefully something will be done by this week and the entry could be posted up soon. And also because this week or two i'm less busy with shoots and just saddled with writing a documentary programme (boring boring boring) and a few concepts for a channel pitch, it's the perfect time to blog since... I HAVE TIME.

Time is such precious commodity nowadays.

Meanwhile it's tata for now, have to get my concept ideas out and approved before i can start writing and i promised to have it done by morning. Why did i shoot my mouth off and said i could do it by morning?! Sigh.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Many thoughts.

2010-05-29T01:40:00.003+08:00

Seems like people are taking a humongous interest in this damn blog. Average reading time ranges from 20 to 45 minutes what the hell!? And guess what entries everyone's reading? Sigh. Fuck relationships.

As predicted by Monica, the first half of the year was indeed SHIT. Everything she warned me about relationships came true. I'm still quite shocked how she could tell me everything with such details and clarity, and they all CAME TRUE. The skeptic in me has its mouth firmly shut now.

And if what she foretold does come true, the later half of my year should be more fruitful and positive, and i hope, happier. Happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts now. Rainbows and butterflies and abundance of sweets, chocolates and money. But it does seems like things are looking up.

Work is coming in, slowly. And i hope more will come. I will work muthufarking hard for my future. I just need OPENINGS. I've more or less worked out my issues, the rest of the problems will be solved naturally as time passes.

Since everyone's so interested in my relationship experiences, shall i do some indulging? Let's just say that i've reached a point where i could see where my mistakes lay in when it comes to relationship. And so, for the next person who comes along, i will not jump into anything impulsively with no thought to the consequences. I will not be stubborn. I will not hold on to the stupid notion that loving someone with all my heart will touch the person's heart and make him love me and cherish me well. I will not go for someone my friends disapprove because they really do know me better than i do myself and they are always damn right at the end of the day. So irksome. If they read this they'll be all smug and "i told you so".

I used to think i have a certain 'type' going on for me when it comes to men. But a conversation with a friend kind of gave me an epiphany. I've always gone for people... ok no. Let's just put it this way, i've never dated anyone decently normal. Like a good, decent, nice guy. I seem to have a thing against nice guys.

And this friend, told me that having not dated good men does not mean that the complicated ones were my type. Which, is true. And it got me thinking. I hate to admit it, but part of my aversion to nice guys is the result of my past. I don't know. I have this feeling that i'll hurt them? And i hate regrets. I hate feeling guilt. I hate making people unhappy. I'd be like their nightmare. Their worst girlfriend. The most complicated person who brings in all these complications to their nice happy lives. I'm afraid i'll destroy them with my complications like how my past relationships have all but taught me nothing but ugliness of a relationship.

They'll be good for me, but i seriously don't think i'm good for them.

So every time at the sight of a good guy, i run.

But with all that has happened, all the past experiences, all the new lessons learnt, i'm not so sure anymore. I would like to stop running. And give it a try. To properly learn about a person, to go on dates, to take time getting to know each other, to go SLOW. No more plunging into relationships on a whirlwind romance.

I will not foolishly give my all for a guy. This time round, he will have to earn my love. I have to believe i'm worth it.

♥ Clarisse ♥

In Paradise

2010-03-07T03:41:00.002+08:00

In paradise

I want to live in a world
Full of apples and trees
And fluttering butterflies
Blue, red and green

I want to smell the wildflowers.
Feel the calming breeze
Sleep on yellow daisies
Like a little baby

Cos it’s so hard to stay alive
When there’s pain inside
I just need a place
Just a paradise

I want to be a mermaid.
Dwelve deep into the sea.
Race with the dolphins
Find my own prince

I want the sun to dry my tears
Have stars watching over me
Swim in a lazy river
Watch the little fishes

Cos it’s so hard to stay alive
When there’s pain inside
I just need a place
Just a paradise

I want to create a world.
With nothing but perfection
No sadness, no misery, no unhappiness.
Just pure bliss

I want to live in a world.
Of my fantasy and whim.
Somewhere I can seek solace.
From the nasty things

I just want to live
In paradise

Huat ah!

2010-02-19T02:17:00.001+08:00

♥ Clarisse ♥

Happy people, happy colours.

2010-02-11T23:14:00.009+08:00

♥ Clarisse ♥

Top 10 unusual places to celebrate Valentines day in Singapore.

2010-02-09T03:48:00.013+08:00

It is an understatement to say Valentines Day is the worst holiday ever. If you're single... do i even have to say it? If you're attached, it's a pain in the ass. The sentence "When you're in love, every day is a Valentines Day" is the BEST thing i've ever heard.

I can come up with a long list of why i hate Valentines Day. Not now though. Here, are my ideas on how to spend Valentines Day. Best of all, you can do it with a bunch of friends (which i think is more fun, the more the merrier!) No more boring restaurants, spas, flowers, hotels, shopping malls, touristy spots, crowded places, boring activities. Instead, have a really unique, special, different, unconventional, fun, unusual and awesome Valentines :D

1. Picnic at any Singapore island not called "Sentosa".

Prepare picnic food, or if you're a guy, any filling food that taste edible even cold, and get your ass to an island. Have a picnic there. Enjoy the beach, do bollywood dances around trees, and if you're dodgy, fornicate in a secluded spot. Either way, ferry rides are always fun. (Unless you fall into the sea, then it's goodbye.)

Islands recommended: Palau Ubin, St Johns Island and Kusu Island.

2. Lim Chu Kang Nature and Ghostly Trail.

Visit the farms situated along Neo Tiew Road, take a stroll in the middle of nowhere surrounded by only things green, have a fruit juice, eat some flowers (literally, if you can find the restaurant that serves them), do some bird see-ing (unless you prefer the other kind) and end the night with a tour of the Lim Chu Kang cemetery. Win-win situation if you're a guy, unless you're more frightened of otherworldly stuff.

Places recommended: Bollywood Veggies, Fruit/Flower farms, Goat farm, Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve, Kranji Dam (great at night), Lim Chu Kang Cemetery. Or you can check out the Christian cemetery nearby which has gorgeous tombstones, statues of various kinds and interesting inscriptions.

3. Visit the Science Centre.

Ah, brings back memories of school days doesn't it? Of hand-holding, walking in pairs, don't get lost, listen to teacher trips. Surprisingly, it's still a fun place to visit even as an adult. Go see good old Albert Einstein climbing up and down a pole, press your face against the incubator glass hoping to see chicks hatch from eggs (has anyone actually seen one hatch before?) and go gaga over the amazing stuff at the Science Centre shop.

Why it's good - It's cheap, hopefully crowded with kids (pray they're not shriekers or wailers) and not sick lovey dovey couples holding silly floral bouquets. Eat at Macdonalds - buy a kid's meal just for kicks (cheap too, plus get free toy, good deal!) And for the final romantic/fun touch, buy a space ice cream to share! You know, ice cream that spacemen eat?

4. Chill in Changi, watch hotties.

If you stay in the West like i do, aside from FML, there's nothing more you can say. Then again, going to the East from the West is almost like going for a mini holiday, right? Take the train down to Changi Airport, shop there, eat breakfast there, enjoy the aircon, enjoy first-class toilets, oogle at gorgeous flight crew (subtly) and take the skytrain 10 times. Then head over to Changi Chapel Museum steep yourself in history, as well as some mourning time at the lovely chapel. Proceed to Changi Village to browse fishing equipment shops, eat again, chill at one of the pubs, play with cats and if the gf/bf is ok with it, round it off with the famous tour of Changi carpark where you can see gorgeous trannies (awesome-ness depends on the time you go, midnight to 1am is the best). Spend the remaining of the night under the stars at Changi beach.

Oh yeah - There's a little 2nd hand shop at Changi Village, alongside fishing equipment shops, right next to the hawker centre. Go there, set a budget as a challenge and buy a present for each other. Say, $5 to buy something and the other party has to wear it for the rest of the night.

5. Go Old School.

One of my favourite place in Singapore is the Salvation Army Family Store along Aljunied Road. It's filled with every thing you can think of. Clothes, furniture, books, knick knacks - and if you have a sharp eye, you may find really old-school, retro stuff. Not only are there many things to keep you occupied, you're also donating to charity when you purchase something :D After Salv, head on to Old Sungei Road next to Sim Lim and take a walk through the thieves' market. Amidst all the old uncles and aunties selling all sorts of things at the open air carpark, you can buy stuff like old clocks, manual cameras, vintage specs to aged photographs. End the day with a quick dinner in an air-conditioned place then head home and snuggle up with an old film, and your loved one, of course.

Take note: Salvation closes early on Sat (either noon or six, can't remember) and is closed on Sun. Thieves market starts around 3pm and ends when sun sets. Be friendly! The Salv people are very nice and chatty. Talk to the old sungei road aunties and uncles! They all have interesting stories to share. Have fun bargaining, but don't be too petty. Don't be a bastard and argue over $8 trying to make it $4. It'There's a difference between needing the money and being able to spare the money.

6. Dogs, Fishes, Prawns.

Head to Pasir Ris farmway. There's tons dogs to see at several dog kennels/shops. Casually start the topic of "If one day you start a family, what dog would you want?" and squeeze in questions like the type of house, number of kids, what family activities can be done with the dog, who should walk the dog, etc. After that, do some prawning/fishing if you're into that, or head to Downtown to the arcade or Wild Wild Wet (mind you tho, it'd be MAD crowded). If not, go cycling at Pasir Ris Park - then at least you can cycle away from irritating people and boring places :D

Note: You can try the silly ferris wheel at Downtown East. You will feel so silly, you will laugh at yourselves silly, and then you will be quite merry because you find it so stupid. Laughing eyes are mad chio.

7. It's not as dodgy as you think it is.

Book yourself into a budget hotel. It's really relaxing and enjoyable. Just bring some DVDs, books, card games, anything that can be a shared activity. Buy lots and lots and lots of snacks. Packet food from outside - western food from Astons, carrot cake or beef noodle from hawker centre, desserts from a cake shop, finger food from Old Chang Kee...

In other words: CHILL, BATH, EAT, SLEEP, WATCH TV, TALK, HAVE LOTS OF SEX and it doesn't cost as much as a restaurant dinner or a typical hotel. No need to tidy up, no meddling parents, no siblings, no room mates, no noisy neighbours. Need i say more? Try Aqueens or Value Hotel. 81 and Fragrance are kind of dodgy, i admit.

8. Orientalism

Go to the infamous Yang Tze cinema and watch a porno, or watch old men wank while watching porno. Afterwards go for fortune telling session at Chinatown or Fortune Center and pick from face reading, palmistry, numerolgy, etc.

Do: Check the seats at the cinema for dirty objects, weird stains or syringes (I heard of rumors of people leaving sharp objects with aids/hiv infected blood to make others hiv positive. So creepy!) Bring a towel or something to sit on. Be careful when you reach for things, say drinks from vending machines (same thing, sharp/dangerous objects!)

9. Geocaching!

Go google if you don't know what it is. If you're a lazy bum like me, the gist of geocaching is a treasure hunt using gps. From the geocaching website in Singapore, get clues to where hidden objects are hidden all over Singapore, and record the coordinates of the location when you manage to solve the mystery of the location stated. You will need a portable GPS.

Interestingly - I've heard that there are different kinds of geo-cache (the treasure, in other words.) Paper slip stored inside some kinda storage thing and hidden. When you find it, you can write down your name, and see who else have found this before you did. Or items that you can take and keep, and in return, putting something else as a replacement. There's also geo-coins from different countries (geo-cache can be done all over the world!), you may find a geo-coin from U.S, and you can hid the coin at a new location/country with your own set of treasure hunt hints!

10. A written diarrhea of other activities/places

Zorbing, Laser Quest, Paintball, Archery, Roller-blading, Ice Skating, taking up classes together like pottery, cake making, sewing, dancing, cooking, etc. Punggol Park Bliss Cafe, Jurong Hill, Dart pubs like No Clue at Keong Saik St where you can learn how to throw darts and compete with others, drink beer and play cards. McRitchie Reservoir to feed tortoises/terrapins/ugly creatures. Snow City. Ikea. Dinner at Railway Station. Games Cafe like Settlers or Mind Cafe. Mustafa. Chinatown to soak in CNY festivities. Dennis Cafe at Prince Edwards road - very ulu, shouldn't be very crowded and it's connected to Party World KTV. Punggol End. Fly kites at the huge field next to Sengkang Sports Centre. Visit the last kampong of Singapore at Buangkok. Changi Boardwalk. Take a glimpse at the Feng Shui house (strange, amazing home of a Hong Kong Tycoon) at Sea Breeze Ave. Visit the row of temples along Old Tampines Rd. Challenge your tastebuds at Lagnaa Restaurant in Little India where you can challenge spicy dishes from Level 1 to 10. Level 5 itself is already very spicy! Toys Museum. Haunted places like Mathilda house at Punggol, Red house at Pasir Ris (not sure if it's still there), Old Changi hospital. Peranakan house at Joo Chiat. Authentic french cuisine at a restaurant along Jalan Besar. New Portuguese tarts at KFC. Old quarry mine "Xiao Guilin". Gmax Reverse Bungee AND Gmax Swing (Must take both at one go). Old Thomson Rd to see monkeys, many people feed them but be careful! It's illegal to do so!

Alright, that's it! These should be more than sufficient to ensure you don't end up eating exorbidant meals at a crowded restaurant with frazzled waiters, fighting to breath when squeezing through crowds while sneezing incessantly from pollens, getting sore eyes from seeing ugly people making out or hopelessly trying to buy movie tickets.

Have a different Valentines Day this year!

♥ Clarisse ♥

Happy Birthday Chick!

2010-02-06T01:20:00.005+08:00

♥ Clarisse ♥

Still 21st!

2010-02-05T19:01:00.002+08:00

Celebrated my 21st (ahem ~~22nd~~) at Bliss Cafe with loved ones. Birthdays are birthdays, i've never really understood the need to make it into a big deal. As long as the day is spent with loved ones, i'm contented.

And yes, that night was a good night.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Of cobwebs and spring cleaning.

2010-02-04T01:47:00.005+08:00

Welcome to my nightmare. I don't know if this happens to others, but i tend to take forever to complete an unfinished task as there are always other much more interesting things to do. Or perhaps it's what Monica (the psychic tarot card reader i consulted earlier this week) admonished me - my dreadfully short attention span :(

It took me three weeks to tidy this up. LOL

My lovely new stash of books crammed into the shelf.
To be accurate, my latest purchase of 200 over books..
I HAD to buy that many, they beckoned to me :(

THIS is an awesome read which i just finished.

Read the review here.

♥ Clarisse ♥

RMIT friends.

2010-01-15T21:05:00.002+08:00

The first time we actually ate together outside of school.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Happy Birthday Mr Teu!

2010-01-08T18:39:00.001+08:00

♥ Clarisse ♥

With my boys.

2009-12-22T23:26:00.004+08:00

Too lazy to write much. Been out recently with the boys, mostly Hakim, and when you're out with Hakim, camwhoring is inevitable.

On a side note, i bought a really cute hamster! Stared at it for half and hour and decided to buy it after thinking about it. Bern helped me named it Meme and i liked the name Cream so now it's called Memecream!

♥ Clarisse ♥

We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.

2009-10-20T02:33:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i do think that i do too much for a relationship. I fall in hard. I fall out hard. At the end of the day, i question myself was everything i did appreciated? And did they make a difference?

♥ Clarisse ♥

Alfred Hitchcock

2009-10-10T01:32:00.003+08:00

Found this hardcore article i did on Alfred Hitchcock for school - a last minute work written under two hours. Will never forget the moment when the lecturer announced that i topped the class. Somehow i've been lucky - i've always done well despite putting in less effort and time than others..

Alfred Hitchcock and his contributions to the history of cinema.

Alfred Hitchcock, who once called himself an "uncommonly unattractive young man", is one of the most widely known and influential directors in the history of cinema, with a significant list of great works produced in his years in the film industry. The master of suspense has a long list of movies tucked under his belt, with some of the most notable and famous ones as Notorious (1946), North by Northwest (1959), Psycho (1960) and The Birds (1963).

Alfred Hitchcock has made himself clear that he is more interested in the technique of story-telling through means of film rather then in what the film consists and he sees all his films as art forms, with himself, an artisan and master craftsman. Through his style of playing with the human minds, breaking conventions and use of symbolisms, as well as his love for montage, Alfred Hitchcock successfully left a deep impression on the minds of future film makers and influenced changes which led to the development of the film industry.

Within the British Cinema itself, Hitchcock proved that it was possible to treat film as an art form while keeping in line with modernist thinking. His obsession with visual narrations, through metaphors, symbols, lighting and camera techniques, made his films artistic and impactful. This spurred other British directors to follow his step, which led to a new emergence of a new movement in the Britain Cinema, the Documentary Movement. The Britain Cinema, which was known to have failed to develop along the lines of film movements such as the German Expressionism and French Impressionism, achieved it in the end thanks to the influence of Hitchcock's style of movie-making.

One of the most influential and famous films by Hitchcock is Psycho (1960) which kicked off some of the biggest changes in the film industry. Psycho broke many conventions that were practiced in the American films and achieved stunning response from its audiences. Till today, Psycho is still a masterpiece that is studied and analysed by all individuals in the film industry.

One of the most discussed part of Psycho is the creative credits, whereby abstract gray horizontal and vertical lines streak back and forth the screen. These criss-crossing patterns reflects the split, schrizophrenic mind of the protagonist in the story, Norman Bates. Hitchcock successfully started the mood of suspense, not in the first scenes of the movie, but instead, right at the opening credits itself. This creative use of credits to translate the mood of the movie has been employed by many modern directors today. One of the films that followed his example is The Pink Panther Diamond (2006), which showed the opening credits with humourous cartoons of the Pink Panther pulling in the credits and such.

Psycho became the mother of horror films, spurring several other movies such as Homicidal (1961), The Texas Chain Massacre (1974) and DePalma's Dressed to Kill (1980), which had a transvetite killer and a shower scene in it. Psycho marked the important beginning of an era where audiences began visiting the cinemas to thrill and frighten themselves without much concern with the film's story plot or characters. It also necessitated important changes in the audiences' movie-going habits.

Audiences learnt to practice punctuality, and policies such as having to wait till the next screening of the show if you turn up late were also imposed. These changes came due to Hitchcock's "Policy" during the screening of Psycho. He insisted that no late-comers would be admitted. He wanted everyone to enjoy his fruits of labor to the full by seeing the picture from beginning to end. It was how the picture was conceived, and it would be the way it will be viewed.

The breaking of the conventions in Psycho opened up more alternatives for directors and viewers as well. Audiences were exposed to scenes never seen before such as erotic scenes depicting voyeuristic pleasures. In Psycho, the opening scenes showed a lunch time affair where the female lead was clad in sexy white undergarments and was filmed kissing on the bed. Such scenes have never been seen in the mainstream American films. The photographing of a toilet bowl and its flush has never been done before either.

Another breakthrough was Hitchcock killing off the "main lead" Janet Leigh one third into the movie, something which no directors had managed to pull off. The famous shower killing scene which made audiences afraid of showers weeks after watching Psycho gave such an impact that shower killing scenes soon became prevalent in many films.

Psycho also marked the turning point in the history of the horror genre. Horror moved from fears of threatening forces that were somewhere "out there", things like aliens, monsters and ghosts, to somewhere closer home, like sexuality, repression and psychosis. This is even more frightening and disturbing as these are signs that are possible in us all.

The greatest contribution Hitchcock made to the development of the film industry is his absolute brilliance in producing suspense and horror films. Many directors, such as Steven Speilberg, sees him as an example to follow. Following his death, suspense and horror movies are still strong in the cinema culture even till today. Hitchcock was so successful in making suspense movies that he was once quoted saying, "I am a typed director. If i made "Cinderella", the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach."

Many directors have copied Hitchcock's style of filming. Hitchcock always try to build up plots which keeps the audiences in suspense for as long as possible. This led to several films copying his idea, by building suspense onto suspense, but failing to achieve Hitchcock's success with the method. Hitchcock also liked putting viewers in the shoes of the story characters themselves, so that the audiences will be able to relate and empathise with the characters themselves. In other words, audiences were "seeing" through the actor's eyes.

Alfred Hitchcock has played an important and crucial part in the development of the film industry and his influences are still strong today. He brought suspense and horror genres to a higher level, taught other directors techniques to play with the minds of the audiences, leading to a change in American films through the breaking of conventions and lastly, left lasting impressions in the minds of the public of his greatness and skill in producing suspense movies. As what Hitchcock says of his movies, "Even my failures make money and become classics a year after i make them."

Work begins.

2009-10-08T02:50:00.006+08:00

Started pre-production work on Jack Neo's latest cinema offering, which explains the lapse in blogging. Have been busy reading a 90-pages chinese script (killing me softly), looking for sponsors, recce-ing locations and doing research.

Can't wait to start dressing the sets!

Till then!

Random photo. LOL.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Happiness

2009-10-07T03:31:00.002+08:00

(Some school article i wrote during SP days)

How many times, in your hurry, you missed out an important moment in life?

In a cosmopolitan country like Singapore, we Singaporeans are so used to the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives that many of us have forgotten the simple pleasures of life. In our hurry to get things done, we stop paying attention to things. Simple things like noticing the purple wildflowers that grow along the road curbs, hearing the sound of the rain beating down and smelling the fresh morning air when you wake. We go through everyday in a haze, hurrying through mountains of work that never seem to end and going through the motions like a tape set on automatic play. We wake up worrying about incomplete work, we go to sleep thinking about the work that has to be done the next day.

Materialism is consuming us; our acquisitive behavior has made us materially richer but interpersonally poorer. People are buying things that they do not need in order to maintain a material and social status. Teenagers are getting more brand-conscious, people engaged in comfort shopping and singles bankrupt due to the lavish lifestyles they lead. Relationships and values suffer neglect. Instead of spending quality time together, people are all busy working, earning more money and well, more money.

Every Singaporean on the street seems to be perpetually in a hurry, we walk through the streets talking on the phones, fight nail and tooth to get MRT seats, shove and shuffle just to be earlier. What happens to the precious few seconds we saved? They're poured into doing more work, work and work.

Our society has been lulled into a false sense that wealth and success is everything. We become status conscious and we work hard to maintain our image. However, despite the increase in material wealth over the past few decades, there has been no appreciable rise in life satisfaction. We are rich but very unhappy people! But all it takes is a step backwards for us to see how our lives have been going wrong. In an article written by Patricia Dalton, she said, “ When I see people in my office who are struggling to figure out what is most important to them, I often ask them to imagine being on their deathbed, looking back over their lives. What will they rejoice in? What will fall in the neutral category? And what will they regret?"

We are unhappy because we have been chasing the wrong goals. No sum of money can buy a loved one back or heal a broken relationship. Money can't buy happiness. At the end of the day, even though we are materially rich, in our hearts, we feel empty.

BBC once reported that happiness is smile-shaped. A research into happiness showed that we go through different stages of happiness. We are at our happiest in our younger days and we progressively become unhappier as we aged. We are at our most miserable at the age of 40. After that stage, we gradually grow older and learn to appreciate life instead of rushing through it with work. We start to feel happier.

Before you go back to your busy lives, here is food of thought. This poem was written by a girl dying from leukemia. It is called "Slow Dance"

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night

You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Do you run through each day
On a fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
You lie on your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head

You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Ever told your child
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say Hi

You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there
When you worry and hurry through your day
It is like an unopened gift....

Thrown away
Life is not a race
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before its over

When it's all said & done.

2009-09-22T05:56:00.005+08:00

I have been blogging, but certainly not writing much lately. Blogs used to be something really personal to me. From the time i began blogging till now, the significance of having a blog has changed over the years. I used to blog a lot about my personal life, relationships in particular. It was a good outlet, but never a good choice. The convenience of airing grievances on my blog led to very bad relationship management. You blog to escape facing a problem.

I don't blog about my personal life as much now. Instead, i'll talk and resolve the problem with the people involved. I don't let my boyfriend or friends read about my unhappiness on my blog and then having them come confronting me about it, asking me why did i chose to blog instead of speaking to them about it. Why i chose to run and hide instead of resolving the issue in person.

The change doesn't occur with blogging alone. It used to be such that when i am unhappy, i don't voice out. I just don't like to talk about unhappy stuff. I don't like confrontations. I am over zealous in avoiding unpleasant situations. I hate quarrels. A large part of my aversion comes from my family history i guess. Having seen so many fights between my parents, i am sick of them and i try my darndest best to avoid having that in my own relationships. In the end, little by little, the unhappiness and problems grow larger and at the end of it, always boil over resulting in irrevocable damage to my relationships. Now i do voice out my concerns and i'm glad to say i'm better at it.

I don't write very often in my blog now. I have problems still, but i can handle them. I don't need to blog to vent my emotions. I don't escape. I don't deny. I don't avoid. I can be honest with myself. My blog used to be very personal. Now, it's just a blog. Nothing more, nothing less.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Eyeliner & Cigarettes

2009-09-17T04:02:00.004+08:00

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

Lady Gaga performing Paparazzi live at VMA, fucking awesome. It's purrfect. Love the clothes, the hairdo, the stage set, the dance moves, the theatrics. LOVES!

♥ Clarisse ♥

Movie Review - Water

2009-09-15T02:13:00.003+08:00

Dug out a movie review that i wrote for Youth.sg in 2006.

“A widow should be long suffering until death, self-restrained and chaste.
A virtuous wife who remains chaste when her husband has died goes to heaven.
A woman who is unfaithful to her husband is reborn in the womb of a jackal.”

The Laws of ManuChapter 5 verse 156-161
Dharamshastras
(Sacred Hindu Text)

Deepa Mehta’s latest film, Water, tells the story of the lives of Indian widows. Set in 1938 India, the story portrays the struggles of widows with their religion’s traditions and practices, at a period of time where India was on the verge of independence, thanks to the revolutionary works of Mahatma Gandhi.

The story starts with 7-year-old child widow Chuyia, who before she could even comprehend the meaning of marriage, was taken away from her family and sent to live at the ashram, a house for widows. There, she is condemned to a lifetime of mourning and strict regulations by the Hindu customs. Shunned and ostracized by the society, widows are said to cause bad luck when their shadow falls onto a passerby.

The ashram is run by a fat and corrupted old widow, Madhumati, who cares more about her disease-looking parrot rather than the widows. Chuyia refuses to be cowed by the mean old widow and had a series of funny run-ins with her at the ashram. With her rebellious tantrums and never-ending questions, Chuyia turned the place upside down and befriended two other widows.

Shakuntula is a widow torn between her religion and conscience. Troubled by the way widows were treated by the community yet deeply rooted in her religious beliefs, Shakuntula manages to fight her inner demons and reach a balance between religion and her own beliefs thanks to Chuyia. In the movie, she became a mother-figure to Chuyia and brought the movie to a heartrending climax at the end of it.

The other widow, Kalyani, is the only widow in the ashram who is allowed to keep her hair. As custom dictates, it is her responsibility to support and feed the widows. Only later in the film, it was revealed that Kalyani was forced into prostitution to support the ashram. Through Chuyia, Kalyani met and fell for a scholarly Brahmin named Narayan who is a sincere follower of Mahatma Gandhi. It was a doomed love from the start as a series of unexpected happenings soon tore the couple apart.

Starting off with an idyllic setting which later moves on to scenes of the oppressive ashram, Deepa Mehta aptly moves the direction of the film between dark moments to light hearted scenes, while throwing in a good amount of humor. With a colorful set of characters, from an Indian eunuch to the villainous Madhumati, and a plot that holds audiences firmly to their seats, Water is a movie set to draw your tears and laughter. Do remember to bring a pack of tissues!

Packing guru

2009-09-12T05:01:00.002+08:00

This is perfect for unorganized, messy people like Candy, Chris & I. (I can only think of the two of them who wins my messy bedroom, which btw is NO longer messy!) We'll never have to balk at the thought of packing or unpacking our rooms ever.

Wait, it won't work for me! I like to hoard things and no way are my things fitting into that darn box! Crap.

But still..

Amazing room in the box!

Bed, Wardrobe, Shelf, Table, Drawer, Chair, Storage Boxes, ALL IN A BOX!

♥ Clarisse ♥

Miss Singapore 2009: Ris Low

2009-09-10T12:27:00.005+08:00

After hearing so much about Miss Singapore 2009 and her English, i finally watched the video of her and what can i say?

Painful?

Yup. That would be it.

She is obviously struggling to express herself in English and half the time has a really BLANK look on her face. The other half of the interview is filled with her hilarious actions and words. BOOMS you say?

I tried translating her words into text to blog, but only got as far... "piece of bigini and just jeans and strout down orchard road." It is too painful. How on earth is someone like her going to represent Singapore? Who the hell will understand what she is saying for Christ sake. The organisers may defend themselves saying a lack of support/funds whatever, that she's young and all she needs is time to brush up on her language skills, but that doesn't change the fact that you have picked someone absolutely wrong to represent Singapore.

Singapore = bumbling idiot?

So what if she looks pretty on screen, she walks a mean walk on stage and cuts a pretty figure? If she is unable to express her own thoughts clearly and with confidence or even pronounce words properly, how is she going to represent our country for its worth?

Like, Hi, I'm Ris Low from Singapore. We have a night safari there like Africa. And girls like me like Rad, zib-bra pweens. And yeahhh, i'm studying....... STILL. I wear clothes that BOOMS! you know, my personenelity. Yesssss. Yah. Smiles. Blank look.

The MINIMAL requirement is someone who looks fine, has a good figure and speaks well. And if you ask me, that ain't hard to find in Singapore. Just one conversation with this girl is all it takes to know she's ain't suited or ready for what's in store. Now that she's been chosen, MSU organisers get slammed for their taste, the poor girl gets shoved into unfriendly limelight, the whole pageant turns into a laughing joke and youtube hit, and Singapore is totally embarrassed.

It should have been "You have the potential but we're sorry, try again next year after you brush up on your English."

Way to go MSU! Is that the best you've got?

♥ Clarisse ♥

Photos from Baybeats 09!

2009-09-03T06:42:00.009+08:00

Photo Credits: Esplanade Theatre, Timothy deSouza

♥ Clarisse ♥

New Camera :D

2009-09-02T06:33:00.004+08:00

Bought myself a new Sony W220 camera and I LOVE IT!

For one, it's hot pink. It's uber hot, lovable pink!

It's 12 mega pixels and really easy to use. I'm the kind who prefers point and shoot cameras, and this fits me perfectly. Yet there's enough functions for me to play around with should i decide to. And cutest thing? It has the smiley shoot function. It will automatically capture an image once it detects smiles. Funny right! We were all giving grim faces and breaking into large grins to activate the function. Damn hilarious!

I was deciding between the T series and the W series. Comparing specs, for $300 odd, this camera is a pretty good buy. For what it has, it is relatively cheap compared to other cameras offering the same specs.

Plus the company i bought this camera with threw in a free 8gb memory card and their staff personally met me at my chosen location to pass me the camera. The poor man waited an hour for me because i was late =X

Very satisfied with this purchase!

♥ Clarisse ♥

FML

2009-09-01T10:06:00.008+08:00

Some of the best i've read on FML.com

Today, i took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, i gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML.

Today, i wake up, switch on TV and the first thing i see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML.

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so i decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While i was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it and offered some to me. FML.

Today, i took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and proceeds to clip his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As i was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML.

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after i undressed and then proceeded to throw up all over the rug. FML.

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML.

Today, i was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Random..

2009-09-01T09:54:00.004+08:00

New top from Uniqlo, $39.

Love this pair of shoes! Dirt cheap too, $20 dolly only!

Slutty legs :P

♥ Clarisse ♥

Poor Kitties

2009-08-30T05:14:00.002+08:00

What can i say? Poor kitty kitty?

♥ Clarisse ♥

No bells are ringing.

2009-08-27T21:26:00.016+08:00

Don't get me wrong, but a girl is allowed to fantasize about her wedding once in a while. Nope, cross that out. I'm not really fantasizing about MY wedding. I just like these photos. That's all. Singaporean weddings are so, eew. Dinner banquets should be banned. It's a waste of money, totally unromantic, and serves no beneficial purpose whatsoever.

Imagine wearing & changing a few tight gowns where you are barely able to breathe, and top that with heels that you have to wear and walk around toasting all the people, and spending all those money yet unable to eat anything? And the stupid act of going to the stage where your lameass host will crack lameass jokes that nobody finds funny, cut an inedible cake, pop a champagne, gather your relatives & families onto stage and yum seng. BORING.

I can go on forever how redundant i find these dinner banquets, but nevermind. The point of this entry is to show pretty wedding photos.

♥ Clarisse ♥

Life as it is.

2009-08-24T07:59:00.003+08:00

Lazy to post.
Some photos instead.

♥ Clarisse ♥

My latest FB addiction.

2009-08-21T03:36:00.002+08:00

And i played about 30+ rounds till 10 in the morning the other day.

And from 9am till 1pm today.

I AM HARDCORE.

♥ Clarisse ♥

COME SUPPORT REMPAGE FLEA MARKET!

2009-08-20T08:11:00.007+08:00

Jask, Don and I will be at the Arts House this coming Sunday all ready and set with our flea market stall, so come down and support! And spread the word around! Details below!

Yup, its FLEAOFROLIC at The Arts House and its happening on 23rd August 2009 from 12 noon till 6pm. Make yourself free, which i asume you will cause its a Sunday. Bring your friends and family down and have fun at this flea. Alot of things to expect. Loud music, cheap clothings, vintage items and such. Come down and have a look and maybe you would find something you've been searching for years.

LOCATION
We are located at No 1 Old Parliament Lane Level 2 Annex Building Singapore 179429.

By Car: Enter via 1 Old Parliament Lane. Parking spaces available at the current Parliament House, The Adelphi and the road side along Empress Place

By Bus:
North Bridge Road (Opposite Funan Centre or Outside MITA Building):
32, 51, 61, 63, 80, 103, 124, 145, 166, 174, 195, 197, 603, 851, 961

Collyer Quay (At, or Opposite Clifford Pier; Fullerton Square; Opposite Singapore Cricket Club):
10, 70, 75, 100, 107,130, 131, 162, 167, 196, 605, 607, 608

By MRT:
+From Raffles Place Station, take exit H and walk across Cavenagh Bridge.

+From City Hall Station, take exit B (in front of capitol building), turn left, walk towards Funan Centre and turn left again upon reaching the present Parliament house.

+From Clark Quay Station, take exit E, cross the road in front, then turn left, upon reaching the Singapore River, turn right and walk towards the Victoria Memorial Clock Tower.

COME SUPPORT ALRIGHT! :D

♥ Clarisse ♥

Pussy in the house!

2009-08-19T06:48:00.009+08:00

Here's a photo of what i made for my dearest mum as a present!

A DIY CAT SOFT TOY!

As cute as Clarisse

I am REAL proud of it as i made the whole damn thing myself, without any guidance ok! 100% original design by ME. Don't look at me as though i'm very unladylike, I'M A LADY!

It doesn't matter that I almost flunk Home Econs in Seconday 2 because almost 50% of the marks were based on some stupid pin cushion sewing project which i didn't bother to submit.

It doesn't mean anything, that it took 10 hours to sew this thing.

Just because. Just because i did it! How are you able to frown upon me when i actually produced something SO CUTE with my own hands!

All it took was damn hard work, some fabric and a gutted old soft toy.
And lots of needle pricks :(

I started out cutting fabric for the head and body.

Then i sewed the kitty's features and ears.

Sew the front of the head with the front body, sewed the back head & body, and then both the front & the back together and TADA! And after stuffing it, sew and seal. It is quite simple once you get the hang of it.

It took me so long as i had to figure out the whole thing.. what color should it be, how do i even start, how to cut the fabric, at what size, how am i going to make the sewing hidden, how should i make the face; do i stick stuff on, draw its face or sew its feature on, how am i going to join the body parts together.....

Very intellectual stuff.

Taught my sis how to make her own. And this is her version!

Cute tummies!

In the end, sis gave hers to dad, mine i gave to our mum.

Am i talented or what mwahahahaha.

♥ Clarisse ♥

My mum is hilarious.

2009-08-19T00:59:00.005+08:00

I was telling my mum what my sis shared with me last night before bedtime.

She mistakenly offered her MRT seat to a woman who was NOT pregnant. The woman frantically gestured for my sis to sit down and told her "It's ok. IT'S OKAY!" And both parties were so chagrined and embarrassed by the exchange.

My mum and i then got into a discussion about giving up our seats on the train when she said "I will definitely give up my seat for the pregnant ladies, it's difficult being pregnant... I will also give up my seat to the elderly, but only to the ladies."

And when i asked her why, she tartly told me.

"If all these lao cheekopeks can still get it up for Geylang, why should i give them my seat?"

I love her logic!

♥ Clarisse ♥

Long Weekend!

2009-08-16T01:30:00.009+08:00

I feel like a hundred kilograms now.

The weekend was a food gorging session. The amount of food i ate in these 3 days was equivalent to what i would have for 10 days. And i don't usually have a large appetite during the monthlies but i ate so much despite having it.

FINALLY met up with Crys & Aihui after almost 2 months. We had dinner with Hak at Fish & Co at ION, and got so lost shopping there. It was so damn crowded, and there were so many people crammed inside Uniqlo, the shop looked like a hurricane just swept through it. Mad chaotic!

I don't really remember what we did afterwards, but we eventually ended up at Newton where we ordered about 6 or 7 dishes - different kinds of seafood (BBQ crabs, stingray, lala, etc), kang kong, oyster egg...

And we ended the night at Cine's Xin Wang HK Cafe!

YES WTF! That's 3 meals within 8 hours!

-------------

Saturday met up with my siaozabor Misty for her post-birthday dinner and shopping session. In the end she bought 2 items and i bought 9 items -_-" God knows how much i spent within these 2 days!

Thereafter brought Misty and Dee to my favourite Korean restaurant. We were so hungry, we forgot to take pictures until we finished the food :(

But we did remember to camwhore :D

♥ Clarisse ♥

Mum's Bday!

2009-08-14T07:27:00.008+08:00

An important day indeed. And despite it being an on-going tradition, she fell for our prank AGAIN this year. It's either we're mad geniuses at conning people or she's gullible. My sis and i told her explicitly that we were going out shopping together, knowing our mum would definitely start imagining what surprise or gift we would get her.

While she had plenty of time at home for bubbles of anticipation to start forming, the two of us were at Jurong Point racking our brains at what to get. And we decided to do something special this year...

We decided to DECORATE a cake for her! There's this new gimmick at the basement of the new Jurong Point called "The Icing Room", a subsidiary of BreadTalk. Besides selling really pretty cakes, macaroons, muffins, cupcakes, their main kickass attraction is their "Decorate-your-own-cake" booths!

Between the prices of $16 - $24 (or thereabout, i can't remember for sure), you can choose between 4 inch, 6 inch or an 8 inch cake. It's vanilla cream outside, and mixed fruits on the inside and i gotta tell you, IT TASTE FAB surprisingly!

The price also includes 2 satchets of free decoration and 5 decorating icing-thingalings. (Oh, and you can ask for more should you use up your icing-thingalings.) There are many more pretty cake decorations, but you'd have to purchase them at $2 each. Pricey - think about it, $2 for a weenie thing that's going down your stomach? NAH!

And so, the decorating process began! We were so excited, and totally clueless about how to do it. In the end, i told sis "Eh, you just draw. When you're done then i draw. When i'm done, then you draw. Draw until it's full or when we finish the decors..."

Not exactly a good example to follow.

For one thing. Handwriting's different. Alignment? FAIL!

5mins
I was out since the day before, was half dead by the time i was doing this.
And looking like crap.

Still quite pretty!
I like the sides!

15 mins

And then we got a little bit carried away......

Just a little.

Or perhaps the stress. People were gathered around watching.

And so we were a little distracted....

20 minutes later.....

TADA!!!

CHAOS! MADNESS! LOL!

And when you think things can't get worse...

The spirit of Singapore kicked in.
And like all Singaporeans, we decided to be kiasu and use up EVERYTHING.

And our final creation looked like THIS.

It didn't helped that this sick giggly PRC couple saw us and decided to make one themselves. And theirs was SO CUTE and PRETTY OK! Then they giggle giggle AND LOOKED AT OUR CAKE. HELLO!!!?? No one should GIGGLE ok. It's disgusting. Why you PRC man, why are you GIGGLING?! Whyyyyy! Hmpf.

PRC OWNED SG!

Finally got home, my sis distracted mum by presenting her a huge bag of pads telling her it's her birthday present (when she was the one who told us to top up san pads), while i stuffed the cake into the freezer.

Then we both la-la-la into our rooms and just before we closed the bedroom door, we heard her exclaim extremely disappointedly "HMPF! NEVER BUY ANYTHING! CHEEEY!" And while both of us did a mad scramble inside our room writing her birthday card, she actually went and hunted around the kitchen and opened the fridge..........And found nothing. When we came out, she has the most constipated face ever. LOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Imagine her face when i took out the cake.
Mum: "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!? I CHECKED THE DAMN FRIDGE!"
Me: "Erm, freezer?"
Mum: -_-" @*$)@&)@(*@#

The cake turned out pretty awesome with the candles and all! :D

Note: I'm really tired now. Just got home in the morning. I found out recently that my little red riding hood is now driven by none other than MY UNCLE! HAPPY X INFINITY!!!! So sis and i hopped over to his place and got the keys from him. ORGASMIC HAPPINESS!!! Picked up my Bernardo and we went to No Clue (pub) for drinks and dart games, then to Sentosa with my sis.

I made a friggin cute gift for my mum, will post it up with post-bday dinner celebration another day. Dead beat!

Am super pissed off with Singnet. After almost 2 weeks of fucked up FB, 3 days of fucked up blogger, zillion of help sections, googling, websites, i finally found the source of problem(some stupid proxy shit. it happened in 2007, now it's happening again. WHY DO YOU NOT FIX IT SINGNET? WHYY?) and the solution. In the end, 200 other poor Singnet users (at least) like me had to personally, configure our setting individually, to fix the problem. So FINALLY, my fb and blogger is fixed. HATE SINGNET. It's your problem, you should solve it instead of making everyone personally google like mad, read a gazillion forums, go through help sections, participate in discussions and trial & error methods. _|_

Nights people.

♥ Clarisse ♥

New Blogskin!

2009-08-12T06:21:00.005+08:00

I've revamped my blog, obviously as you can tell. Sad to say, i forgot to save my blog links so please, comment and leave me your blog address! I lost every single freaking link :(

More blog posts coming! I have decided to 从出江湖 and will try to blog more faithfully from now.

Till then!

♥ Clarisse ♥

*Update: I think i've found most except for ONE SINGLE PERSON. Miss Candy Goh, how come googling you turns up nothing remotely related to your blog huh!?

6th Singapore Short Cuts

2009-08-04T21:15:00.007+08:00

The Singapore Short Cuts is here once again.

This year’s programme features new short films by acclaimed local filmmakers Kirsten Tan (Sink) and Sun Koh (Dirty Bitch), as well as outstanding work by new and upcoming filmmakers Martin Hong (Dreaming Kester), Jeremy Sing (Mi), Jow Zhi Wei (Outing) and many more.

The good news is, TICKETS ARE FREE!

But that's not the point! The reason why you should go for the screening is to lend your support to one of my closest friend Zhi Wei, whose short film "Outing" would be screened on the 2nd screening day on 16th August 2009.

I've known this dude way back when we were both writers in Ochre. We hit off straight away and since then he's one of the few whom i consider my great friends. We never run out of topics to talk about. It's hard to find someone who can discuss with you various random topics at great length and depth. Intellectual conversations, as i like to refer to them as, are hard to come by. It's almost a kind of creative sustenance - inspiration through the exploration of ideas and exchanges of thoughts.

OKAY BACK TO MAIN POINT! To get tickets for the screening on the 16th, head to the Stamford Visitors' Centre at National Museum of Singapore on the 9th of August. Each person is entitled to 4 free tickets.

You can visit this link here for more information :)

The films to be screened are as follow:

OUTING/出门（SUPPORT!)

Dir: Jow Zhi Wei
2009 | 17:43 min | Cantonese, Mandarin and Hokkien with English subtitles | PG

A grandfather and his grandson go on a seemingly innocent outing as they visit places that hold memories for them. It is a story that acknowledges life through the relationship of two people who only have each other. Through their simple journey, the need for companionship and the sacrifices one has to make are brought to the fore.

SWIMMING LESSON / 薛３够游泳

Dir: Benjamin Tan (jmin)
2009 | 2:38 min | Hainanese with English subtitles | PG

A reminiscence of a bygone era in an eternal cycle of renewals.

*Won best film & best director at the Singapore International Film Festival

OLDER CHILDREN

Dir: Ho Rui An
2008 | 6:32 min | English | PG

Older Children depicts a fascinating period in our lives – pre-puberty. Unscripted and completely improvised, this film gazes voyeuristically at a time when everything seems to last forever and people are so indulgent in their own activities that they become oblivious to things around them.

THE MOTH CATCHER

Dir: Iyvone Khoo & Miguel Guzman
2009 | 8 min | English | PG

The Moth Catcher is a silent film about the destruction of the natural environment. A cybernetic nymph sits inside a moth catching machine hoping to find the prey she needs. She doesn’t know of the self-destroying consequences of her actions or that she is the architect of her own demise.

DAWN/ 早晨

Dir: Benjamin Tan (jmin)
2009 | 2:38 min | Hainanese with English subtitles | PG

A reminiscence of a bygone era in an eternal cycle of renewals.

Interview with Hins Cheong

2009-07-16T01:44:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered how my writing career kicked off?

My very first published work was with LIME Magazine in 2006 where i had to interview Hins Cheong about his new album. I could still remember receiving a call one day when i was working at Sentosa's Images of Singapore. One of my lecturer asked if i was interested to take up a project and next thing i knew, i was meeting Hins at Pan Pacific Hotel, filled with nervousness and dread. Surprisingly, the interview went well. The initial awkwardness eased off when i confessed it was my first time interviewing an artiste and he confessed that he was nervous about interviews.

Who knew 4 years down the road, i would have written a documentary. Sometimes, when i look at the past, i feel more optimistic about the future. Times like this, when i'm at crossroads, it helps me to remember that i've made it so far. From an apprehensive 18 year old student having her work published on LIME to the 22 year old girl with a great resume.

Here's the interview with Hins:

Stupid Cupid
Singer-songwriter HINS CHEONG doesn’t just croon love songs. He’s a pretty damn good matchmaker too!

LIME: Aquarians are known to be emotional and weird. Are you?

HINS CHEONG: Yup. I’m emotional and I’m an obsessive-compulsive shopper. I buy the most useless and unnecessary things. Like, I have a fetish for cups. If I feel like using a purple cup today and I don’t have one, I’ll go and buy one immediately. I’ve got about 20 cups so far. My mum’s also always buying bed sheets! It’s in the genes. I like animals that look stupid. If it resembles a big, fat ball of fur, even better! My chow chow dog looks like that.

You must miss your family in Guangzhou, now that you’re based in Hong Kong.

My mum was at my place a few days ago before I flew in to Singapore. It’s good to come home to a table of home-cooked dishes and have someone fussing over you. But it can get chaotic as my mum gets confused by my three remote controllers. It’s always hard for her to find things around the house. She’d rearrange my stuff and then, I can’t find my own things in my own house.

In your latest album, Spring Summer Autumn Winter, as diverse as the title suggests?

This album has a wider range of songs compared to my previous records. Besides the usual R&B ballads, there’re also a few fast-tempo songs, ming yao (folk tunes) as well as rock’n’roll pieces. The response towards this album has been good so far, thanks to supportive fans. It shows there’s nothing wrong in experimenting with different styles.

Which is your favourite song on the album?

The song I feel most attached to is “Definitive Love” which my dad sang with me. This song is also a 27th wedding anniversary gift for my parents. In it, my dad sings of his love for my mum.

How do you think you’ve grown as a singer?

I’m a lot more focused now. For my previous two albums, I had to do everything myself, from composing to finding musicians and planning promos. Now, with Universal Music taking care of the details, I can spend more time on my music and work on my image. It’s a singer’s responsibility to look presentable. I’ve even spent money on facial masks, which I’ve never done before!

Between singing and composing, which do you prefer?

When I first started out, I enjoyed singing more then composing. Now I prefer writing lyrics. It’s like writing in a diary and recording important moments of your life. I’ve seen my lyrics help people and bring them together! There was this couple who fell in love after singing my song “Breaking Point” in a singing competition. It’s very satisfying to know that your lyrics have inspired people.

Loser yes you.

2009-07-15T23:39:00.004+08:00

I hate random people who add me on MSN. GET A LIFE!

Hands

2009-07-15T17:39:00.006+08:00

Went for a day's shoot yesterday and boy, if all shoot were like that it would be heaven.

Finally.

2009-07-11T03:35:00.004+08:00

I've been bumming around at home for the past few weeks doing absolutely nothing aside from sleeping, eating, internet surfing, bathing......

So it's great to know that i have a meeting on Sat, a job interview on Mon and a one day studio shoot on Tues... inertia can only be tolerated for so long.

Speaking of the job interview, i googled the company and it looks extremely dodgy. They were extremely vague about the kind of business they do. And in the job ad, no position was stated. But the man whom i spoke to sounds like an interesting character, so i'm going for the interview to satisfy my curiosity. Quite excited about it!

No Clue?

2009-07-07T03:55:00.014+08:00

Oh yeah, latest photos.

Finally caught up with the ex-colleagues. We grabbed dinner, gave Tim a belated birthday surprise and i brought the boys to this pub called "No Clue" that's situated along Keong Saik Road, Chinatown.

I stumbled upon the place one night after a grueling day of shoot. I decided i had to have a beer and got Jask and gang down to accompany me. We headed for the first pub across the street from where they had their supper, and that's where we discovered "No Clue".

It's owned by Caius from Estonia. He left his country over a decade ago, traveled, lived in L.A for a bit and eventually ended up in Singapore where he met his Singaporean wife.

He bought over the bar/pub only in May this month and here's the cool thing - this is one of those "darts pub" where people form teams and compete in dartboard tournaments with each team representing a certain dart pub. While they help publicise the pubs, these pubs in return sponsor them free drinks or pay for the tournament registration fees.

And when we asked if he played darts well, Caius went "Oh, no! I've never thrown a dart in my life before i took over this pub. That is why, i named it.. NO CLUE!"

I swear that moment was epic.

Shall let the photos do the rest of the talking. We had several chats with Caius and he's hilarious. He's really jovial, he makes you feel right at home and he keeps making jokes and going "Oh i'm joking! Don't mind me!" and he'll laugh at himself. Nice guy :)

(funny positions and expressions LOL.)

Inferior Complexity Sir?

2009-07-03T03:14:00.005+08:00

Candy Goh Wei Ning

2009-07-01T00:15:00.009+08:00

My dearest,

Happy Birthday! Kinda late of a post, been procrastinating quite a bit lately. (Anyway i think your present is now a lost parcel cos i haven't received it! SHIT.)

(We both look like shit HAHAHA)

You know it still amaze me how connected we still are after all these years? There are so many times when you got the point of what i wanted to express, even before i said them out loud. Or when i have a certain thought in my head which everyone would probably argue with me over it, but you, you had the exact same thought. Having a confidante and a best friend is the best thing ever.

Of course there were times when you annoyed the hell out of me, and the list goes way back to secondary school where you would insist on wearing like 5, 6 layers of clothes to school, spitting food at people's faces when you laugh, walking on the edge of the pavement when you've been told a MILLION times not to and spraining your ankle (so typical can).

Or the fact that you can be so bullheaded, stubborn, unrelenting and hyperactive, that you tire all of us out trying to accommodate and appease you. Like how Jask will go all soft and buttery to calm you down.. "Candy, come, sit down...." or Jask and I have to make that quick eye contact that speaks a volume of words and in ten seconds, come up with Plan B to settle that woman down without her even realising it. It's amazing how much stuff we woman can convey with a stare huh. Hahaha.

You may be hotheaded, overtly blunt and sometimes your words burn like hell but at the end of the day, i know you care, so smarting as i am, i still have to acknowledge that i needed that honesty to wake up from whatever new stupid thing i had embarked on.

Being friends with you ain't easy. You're quite a volatile, high energy person, and sometimes, people just can't keep up with you. But it is always fun to be around you, and i've always felt lucky that i am the select few whom you allowed into your circle. Not everyone knows the real Candy, but i do. Sometimes i hate you, sometimes i admire you, sometimes i'm jealous at you, sometimes i'm pissed off at you, sometimes i love you so much i want to give you a hug, sometimes my heart aches so much for you, sometimes i cry for you, sometimes i feel unfair for you, sometimes i think you're a genius, other times an idiot.

Girl, you make my life a complete emotional roller coaster but i love you nonetheless.

(Sorry, can't resist wahaha)

So here's a happy 21st birthday to you crazy woman!

Love,
Su

Save the fiesty princess

2009-06-27T00:37:00.005+08:00

Call for Donation

Charmaine is a four year old suffering from stage 4 neuroblastoma and she needs our help. Her doctors have given her only 10% chance of survival from the advanced cancer. Her family and friends are raising funds to send the little girl to the states for a treatment that will increase her survival rate to 40/50%.

You can visit her blog to learn more about her condition and how you can help the family.

It is super sad okay! Her mum is a single parent who has stopped working to care for her and her brother Jase. Charmaine's dad divorced her mum when she was still pregnant with Charmaine. AND HE LEFT THE WIFE TO BE WITH THE WIFE'S GOOD FRIEND! BASTARD!

Whatever it is, when you are presented with the fact that a child is DYING, you cannot NOT do anything about it. I am donating towards the fund for her medical trip to states, do your part too! It's a life at stake.

Neuroblastoma is a complex tumor of the nervous system. It typically is not diagnosed until a child is around 2 years of age. By then, it usually is in its 4th stage, and has spread from its original site throughout the body, and often to vital organs. Many neuroblastoms begin as a solid tumor located on the adrenal gland in the abdominal area. There are usually no symptoms until the cancer has spread. This type of cancer is not genetic, and no cause has been found.

Despite intensive courses of treatment, including chemotherapy , stem cell transplants and radiation, the disease often relapses, making this one of the toughest cancers to beat. It is said that only 1 out of every 400,000 children under the age of 5 will get this disease.

You can download Charmaine's medical report from NUH

 HERE.

Michael Jackson is DEAD!?

2009-06-26T07:10:00.008+08:00

OMFG. I thought i was hearing things until i googled and realised it's true!
Michael Jackson died in the afternoon from an apparent cardiac arrest at his L.A home and resuscitation at home and at the hospital failed to revive him.

Damn he's only 50!

Seems like he was comatose before he died, but who knows? The internet world's abuzz from this shocking news, everyone have more questions than answers and major news sites have been pretty vague about his death.

Well, we'll always remember MJ for his iconic moon walk, his fixation of becoming a white man, the infamous neverland, my favourite MTV "Thriller" and of course the stories of looming bankruptcy, his health issues, skin cancer.. not forgetting the epic news moment when he dangled his infant child outside the window.

R.I.P MJ, you sure had a life full of extraordinary experiences, so beat it!

p/s: Next thing you know, the rumors of suicide, murder, conspiracies, cover ups, secret lovers, illigetimate children, lies will surface and they will keep MJ in peoples' minds for a long time to come... i'm sure of it.

2009-06-26T02:39:00.003+08:00

Don't Judge Too Quickly... We Won't. - Click here for more blooper videos

Angel Speak

2009-06-25T17:33:00.004+08:00

"What i admire is the exquisite rationality... You know, this quest for a true language has historical precedence. It goes back to the Middle Ages, when there was a belief that newborn children knew the language of angels, but with the corrupting influence of human language, they lost that first language. So some sects carried out experiments where they isolated children from humanity, usually in dark spaces underground, feeding them but never letting them hear human language. The belief was, if left alone, these children would grow up speaking the language of heaven, and so, humanity could learn this language. I think that an ironic application of the scientific method carried out by religious fundamentalists, don't you, but a logical deduction from the premise that heaven existed and that all human souls were really spirits made incarnate... a quest born out of a misplaced nostalgia for the past."

Death of a Writer by Michael Collins

Whooping Mad

2009-06-07T03:46:00.002+08:00

Too much of misery
Kinda twist your memories
Wake up and let me see
Just how bad it gets

Jump off a tall building
Dressed like a candy man
Kick your ass
You're so fat
Stab you in the chest

I know you don't care
I know you're not there
I can see the way i've been
Getting in your hair

I won't say it's fair
I want make things bad
You know me and i'm not scared
This is how i am

Whooping mad

Overturn the bottle
May all the tears run over
Slip into a darkness
I watched you in a corner

Colours of the lolly
Faded away so pretty
And i lie right down
Laughing to myself
I'm not so sorry

I know you don't care
I know you're not there
I can see the way i've been
Getting in your hair

I won't say it's fair
I want make things bad
You know me and i'm not scared
This is how i am

Whooping mad

Finding myself

2009-05-16T00:46:00.005+08:00

It's a Friday night and i'm sitting on my couch playing Facebook quizzes. I've been spending so much time on the couch lately, i wouldn't be shocked to find myself growing into the couch - like the person on the news whose skin fused with the sofa. Shudder.

Yes i know. I haven't been a good daughter for a while. Working ad hoc as and when i like it, snivelling money off my parents for vacation, borrowing money from my sister - it's like a reversal of roles. Now my sis's the one working and earning the money, bringing my mum out for dinner, etc while i spend my time sleeping, lazing, avoiding the parents like plague and doing nothing constructive.

It is a refreshing change from being the role model sister. The smart kid. The matured one amongst the others. All my life i've spent fulfilling my mum's wishes for me, not directly the way she wants me, but in my own ways. Getting good grades in school. Starting work at a young age to relief the parents financially. Being the sensitive one, the common sensical one, the one who takes charge, the one who patiently takes on their nonsense and strove to keep sane amidst their insanity. I'm sick of being strong. I had enough with taking care of things.

So i allowed myself down the spiral. Not working, not studying, just plain lazing around. It's nice to rebel and be a fucker. It's fantastic to let the parents fuck each other up and not mediate for once. Let them learn to handle and solve their problems for once instead of coming to me, whining, begging and asking me to help fuck the other party up. Being useless is fun. And i must say it has done a great deal of goodness for me.

I'm at peace with myself finally. No more questions of who i am. Let go off all the expectations, wants and needs of others and focus on yourself and your own selfish needs. That's when you truly understand your value as a person when everyone close to you gives up on you and only your faith in yourself keeps you going on.

Now i'm done with such decadent lifestyle and i'm ready to return. First thing's to get a job and the money rolling in, and i'm back on the go.

Saigon Saigon

2009-05-04T02:45:00.004+08:00

Last two days in Saigon, Vietnam.

It's been a hell of a long trip. Too long, in fact. I spent the last three days sleeping and watching TV in the hotel room. It was supposed to be a 5 day Saigon, 4 day Vung Tau beach but alas, things didn't quite worked out the way it should have.

Vung Tau beach was horrifying. The beach is basically a long stretch of sand (think East Coast) accompanied by a bustling main road running alongside it. With it, heavy traffic, loads of honking, street vendors, Vietnamese, shops, dirt, air and noise pollution. Beach paradise? Fuck it.

Ferried straight back to Saigon after staying a night at Vung Tau, and i promptly fell sick. Crashed the moment we got into the hotel. Only woke up twice when Bern checked my temperature and tucked me in. Spent the following two days sleeping and lazing in bed watching HBO and Star Movies. Total nua-ing.

I don't like Vietnam. BAH. Food is expensive, transport is expensive, everything practically cost the same as Singapore. Not much of a night life here either. It's a Cinderella Syndrome. Almost every pub, club, night spot, restaurant closes at midnight. We're just missing a glass slipper and Prince Charming.

The food. Good god. I cannot stomach Vietnamese food. Been eating Japanese, Korean, Mexican, Western, Indian, everything but Vietnamese.

The people aren't very friendly as well. They don't look good, they don't dress well and they can't dance for NUTS! Went to their "Most Happening Disco Bar". It was filled with Vietnamese old and young. All damn ugy. All can't dance for nuts! There's like, the Slug Dance, the Point Air dance, the Macarena, everything but decent dancing. Plus there were so many servers and bouncers, they could probably fill the dancefloor. Which i should mention, was pretty empty except for a few teenage Vietnamese doing some god damn awful dance moves.

I thought they were a bunch of snakes squirming around.

Yes, that bad.

Coming back to Singapore on Tuesday and I CANNOT WAIT! I want to eat kang kong, sambal stingray, cha kway teow, drink teh-tarik, have nice hot herbal soup and Macdonalds breakfast. Strangest thing is there is no Mac or 7-11 here! How is that possible!? Bangkok itself was filled with em.

The only thing that rocks here is the coffee. There's no bad coffee here. From streetside to cafes to pubs to bars to restaurant, there's fab fab coffee! ORGASMIC coffee! Yet to try the civet cat coffee though. Couldn't find it initially but Zoe finally found a place that serves it and i'm gonna try it out tomorrow. YAYNESS!

That's it for the night. Gotta turn in early and go museum hopping tomorrow. Last full day in Saigon! SINGAPORE HERE I COME!!!

I miss my bitches :(
And missing out on so much gossip OMG!

See ya guys in a couple of days! :D :D :D

Just be brave

2009-05-01T23:52:00.002+08:00

I know that it's over
I shall learn to let go
It's a new day tomorrow
And it's gonna be beautiful
I just know

Feelings come and go
It's nothing new, nothing old
But what's special are the memories
They'll stay with me
I just know

So i won't cry
I won't mourn
I won't think of a single soul

And i won't hate
I won't fake
I won't think of a single soul

I lived on your love
I changed your pillows
You were my everything
But i will survive
I just know

I'll smile the brightest smile
I'll be a happy girl
I'll be okay
I just know

So i won't cry
I won't mourn
I won't think of a single soul

And i won't hate
I won't fake
I won't think of a single soul

I will never be a carpenter.

2009-04-21T04:34:00.004+08:00

I am very angry.

I've been trying build my Ikea stationery box. Step one is to put 3 screws to secure two pieces of the wood together. 30 minutes later, i still can't get the screws in, my hands and eyes hurt and i have a pounding headache. FUCK DIY!

It has not been a mistake to leave it in a corner all ignored. It is a mistake deciding to attempt putting it together. Now, the screws are only screwed in halfway. I can't get them out, i can't get them in. UGH!!!!!!!

Will some kind soul offer to put it together for me?

Now i'm exhausted and i still have to tidy my desk. Everything is piled onto the floor now and when i look at it i feel damn sian. Why, why did i impulsively decided to tidy up!??

Goodbye Friend

2009-04-19T22:35:00.005+08:00

发生的，改变的，一切不完美了
岁月的痕迹看得见时间的伤痕
就算爱了，恨了，伤心过，烦过，悔过
陶空的心不会再苏醒
就算有一秒的安慰，一次的机会
也不过成为一种麻醉
一切结束了，不会有任何思念
牵挂放一边，走向未来憧憬

This is the end. There's no more to it. Full stop. I've never questioned if you were worth all these trouble. All i wanted was to save you from yourself. But now i understand. Not even the closest friends around you could sway you from the path you've chosen.

And as you go on down a separate path of life from ours, please don't come back.

I heart them

2009-04-14T23:00:00.011+08:00

Well i guess it's time to put some faces to the people i've been talking about recently. I'm rushing out to meet Jask for a smoke and bitching session, so everything is uploaded haphazardly. Had a KTV session to celebrate our Art Department wrap...

Charlyn. The production assistant and the one who got us all addicted to Guitar Hero! We even sneaked to Mount Sophia (one of the film sets) to play Guitar Hero after work. She's damn hilarious - straight out of the movie Miss Congeniality whereby she starts SNORTING when she starts laughing. There was once i could hear her from the third storey. Power pack.

The whole team plus Shirleen from Make-Up.

FUNNY.
Eric the Porky Pig.

Chick and Zoe.
I love Chick man. Totally click with her. We're always listening to Jay Chou's Shi Jie Mo Ri as i drive and we'll smoke and talk cock with each other.

Hizuan the FOOL.
Humpa lumpa dump is his fav line.

Superwoman.

Marcus and Zoe - the two mimis.
The drivers suffered the most under the two of them.
Hizuan, Bern and i have been through that.
The two of them will go all mushy - super mushy and when trapped in the same vehicle as them, the only thing is to smile grimly to yourself and avoid checking the left blind spot.
Alan on top is the sound guy.

Jask is waiting for me and i told her i am at the carpark which i am totally NOT.
So ok no more photo comments from here on.

i is bored

2009-04-14T15:32:00.005+08:00

You are required to answer ALL the following questions.
Tag and repost it with the title:
I’ve done 91 out of the 132 stupid things.

NOT STUPID
Level 1
(✔) Smoked A Cigarette
(✔) Smoked A Cigar
(✔) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(✔) Drank Alcohol

SO FAR: 4

Level 2
(✔) Are / Been In Love
(✔) Been Dumped
(✔) Shoplifted
( ) Been Fired
( ) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 7

Level 4
(✔) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(✔) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker (ALMOST!)
(✔) Seen Someone / Something Die (Cat, Bird, Hamster, Insect...)

SO FAR: 10

Level 5
(✔) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(✔) Been On A Plane
(✔) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 13

Level 6
(✔) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(✔) Met Someone BECAUSE of Facebook/ Friendster
(✔) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 16

Level 7
() Been In An Abusive Relationship
(✔) Taken Pain Killers
(✔) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(✔) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 19

Level 8
(✔) Had A Tea Party (yeah - tehpeng party)
(✔) Flown A Kite
(✔) Built A Sand Castle (with a moat filled with water!)
( ) Gone mudding
(✔) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 23

Level 9
( ) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging
(✔) Cheated While Playing A Game
(✔) Been Lonely
(✔) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 26

Level 10
(✔) Watched The Sun Set
(✔) Felt An Earthquake (Was at AMK and realised EH HOW COME THE LIGHTS ARE SHAKING!?)
( ) Killed A Snake (Poked one with a stick at East Coast Park)

SO FAR: 28

Level 11
(✔) Been Tickled
(✔) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(✔) Been Cheated
(✔) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 32

Level 12
(✔) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(✔) Had Detention
( ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident (Nearly!)

SO FAR: 34

Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
(✔) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (While walking in a drizzle at Sentosa)
( ) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 35

Level 14
(✔) Hated The Way You Look
( ) Witnessed A Crime
(✔) Pole Danced
(✔) Questioned Your Heart
(✔) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 39

Level 15
(✔) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(✔) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(✔) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 42

Level 16
(✔) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(✔) Played Cops And Robbers
(✔) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(✔) Sang Karaoke
(✔) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 47

Level 17
(✔) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn’t
(✔) Made a Prank Phone Call
(✔) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose (And god was it disgusting)
(✔) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 51

Level 18
(✔) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(✔) Watched The Sun Set/Sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(✔) Blown Bubbles
(✔) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere (With firestarters. At a cemetery. To keep warm. No joke)

SO FAR: 55

Level 19
(✔ ) Crashed A Party
(✔) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People (In 13 days time)
(✔) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(✔) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 59

Level 20
( ) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(✔) Swore at the teacher, in front of them
( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 60

Level 22
( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube (Finger yes!)
( ) Kissed A Fish
(✔) Worn The Opposite Sex’s Clothes
(✔) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 62

Level 23
(✔) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(✔) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(✔) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours (Did so for 12 hours before! HOHO!)
(✔) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 66

Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(✔) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House.
(✔) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 68

Level 25
(✔) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 69

Level 26
(✔) Played Chicken
(✔) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(✔) Been Told You’re Hot/ Cute By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(✔) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 73

Level 27
(✔) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(✔) Caught A Butterfly
(✔) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(✔) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 77

Level 28
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(✔) Had Someone Moon/Flash You (Some perv at my lift landing)
(✔) Cheated On A Test
(✔) Forgotten Someone’s Name
(✔) French Braided Someone’s Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
(✔) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(✔) Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 83

Level 29
(✔) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
( ) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
( ) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 84

Level 31
(✔) Been Used
(✔) Fell Going Up The Stairs (and down the stairs)
(✔) Licked A Cat
(✔) Bitten Someone
(✔) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 89

Level 32
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
( ) Flattened someones tires
(✔) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
(✔) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

SO FAR: 91

Hello earthlings.

2009-03-23T03:46:00.006+08:00

MISS ME MISS ME MISS ME???

I KNOW YOU DO!

And boy do time flies.

8 more days till the end of production!

I haven't seen so many people for so long. I've missed out on so many things. I've not been getting enough rest. I've not been eating well. There's so many things that "I've Not". One thing is i haven't had time to write and i've been having my writing cravings!

Anyway, now that the days are numbered, i am beginning to feel damn depressed. I cannot imagine how life would be without work and my colleagues.

So much fun and hard work everyday! Searching high and low for furniture and dressing props for our set. Watching Bernard and the boys zhng stuff for the shoot. Sitting on the floor of the Mount Sophia apartment colouring a penis extension. Going to weird places, eerie abandoned buildings and transforming them into gorgeous beautiful film sets. Meeting people from all walks of life. Zoe and i spilling coffee on ourselves while inside the van. Snatching gummy bears from each other and having Bernard stealing the whole packet (and he ate my favourite purple gummies). Dissing people for mispronounced words like Hizuan's "dajuen" (doesn't), Zoe's "Supid Stongs" and my "top shop" (top shot). Laughing with Ken till we both have stitches and him with his famous line "THIS IS FUCKED UP!". Repeated amazement at Linus's ability to consume huge amounts of food. Watching Marcus transform from Mr. Serious to babytalking with Zoe within seconds. Everyday well spent with loads of love and laughter.

Even though there were several low periods, many sacrifices and lots of injuries - i love what i am doing now. There are so much to learn. Be it artistic directions, to production experience, to commitment and dedication to the job, to manly stuff (like drilling, light bulbs, WD-40) and making of random weird stuff - like penises, fake blood, creation of smoke and fog, mashed brain and lots more. Way more. Many times we were doing strange, dodgy or plain disgusting stuff for this production. And our motto? "Beg, steal, borrow, buy or zhng".

Don't you know, the Art Department is also known as the miracle department? We provide tools, manpower, artistic inputs, manual labor, fix stuff, buy missing stuff, work round the clock, build sets, prepare props, meet deadlines, work 20 hours a day, give in to any demands from others, able to create anything anyone wants - the only thing we haven't actually mastered is how to get the rain to stop. But who knows, one day we may just be able to do that, since we are the miracle makers.

Anyhow, all the shit that happens will not overshadow the happiness and satisfaction i have working on this project.

I am definitely going to get post-production depression after this. I can't imagine not doing what i've been doing for the past month and not having the company of the people i've been seeing every single day. I can't imagine how it would feel like to be able to sleep and wake naturally without shrill alarm sounds or phone calls. LOL.

Sian. I am going to fucking miss the job and my department people. I sure hope there will be future opportunities to work with the people in my team. But to have every single one working together on a project, that is unlikely to happen.

So sad!

Then again, see ya earthlings in April! I miss everyone!

Oh. My. God is an understatement right now.

2009-02-19T02:14:00.007+08:00

Oh my god am i tired. Wait. Have i told you how exhausted i am? Yes i did. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED!

......... and it's only the first day of work :'(

Worked from 10am till 1230am. Yes. Do the maths. And it's gonna be 7 working days per week, till end of March. YES YES. Not kidding.

And best yet. I AM DRIVING A MUTHAFCKIN* VAN! Not your renault small peanuts van hor. It's the huge kind. And i already hit the curb like, at least 8 times; hit a gate; almost hit a car ~~and smashed my carpark's lights when i reversed into them while parking~~. =X

I have jelly legs from trying to reach the pedals. It is not ergonomically designed at all (is that the right word? Too stoned to think man). How are WOMEN supposed to drive the vehicle when it's meant for long, strong legs?! Bah!

But the people are great. Marcus, Linus, Zoe and Bernard-who-likes-to-act-cool.

AH FUCK. GOTTA SLEEP. CAN'T TAKE IT.

We care, that's why we do what we do.

2009-02-18T00:35:00.005+08:00

We wouldn't have gone through so much trouble if we didn't care. Sometimes it would have been good to trash things out with us instead of hiding away blogging about it in denial. And when i try to talk to you about it, hanging up on me doesn't solve shit.

You THINK we are manipulating you. Have you heard our explanations or talk to us about what actually happened? Whatever you think of right now are based purely on what you know on your side and your own perception of the story.

And when we call and try to explain, this is what we get. So much for trusting friends. Do you think we don't know you well enough? Do you think we're out to manipulate you, to set you up, to control you and hurt you? For fuck? I could have spent my time on other things than fucking worrying about you (or talking behind your back as it is to you).

If you want to continue avoiding it and acting like a hurt animal go ahead. Or else talk to us about it.

Do i matter?

2009-02-16T01:00:00.005+08:00

"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts. "

Thank you and fuck you.

2009-02-02T05:01:00.008+08:00

EDIT: I AM A MORON AHHH. This whole shit, this whole nightmare that began on Xmas 2006 must be some kinda retribution for all the sins in my life. Why can't i ever shake the shadow of that past away no matter how hard i try?! And i ended up being a fool, an idiot, an embarrassment again. AGAIN. AGAIN! I should just STOP thinking about it, about him about everything and IGNORE whatever that comes my way again. BAH!

This entry is for myself. I will blog nicely about my birthday chalet on another day.

Suddenly found myself awake at 4.44am with a huge craving for sweet stuff. After gorging down an assortment of chocolates and cookies, i am too awake from the sugar rush to go back to bed.

The birthday chalet was a blast and surprisingly a reflection mirror on my life as well. People whom i've not spoken or met for a long time came down once they got the phone call or sms and it was great catching up with them. Ironically though, many whom i consider friends couldn't make an effort to come down to my birthday. Like what another friend told me, while i may find time and make it a point to attend their celebrations, it is rather fucked up that they couldn't do it for me.

I began reconsidering my feelings for people in the course of the last few days. It could be a newfound cynicism or wisdom from turning 21, grumpiness from the flu that has been plaguing me for days or perhaps the time has simply arrived for such realisation of who are the ones to call friends and who are the ones who call themselves my friends.

Throughout the chalet, people were always taking care of me, making me happy, doing things that i like, giving me the attention i need and catering to all my demands. And most without me asking for it.

The friends i made from the basketball days back then - Xiao Qiang and Mimi, the Chuansuo guys like Allan, Rambutan, Gabriel, Kim & Zhongen who came down at a phone call.

There was Jian Ming, a guy whom i knew barely a month who came down for both days, helped us to set up the BBQ, started the fire for me, BBQ-ed the food for us, washed my car for me and basically stayed and contributed to the chalet quietly.

Then there was dear Dee and my sis who were with me the entire time keeping an eye on me and providing the much needed companionship. And both got me fab, fab presents. Both whom i love with my heart.

Not forgetting Jask and my other bitches like Crystal, Cind, Hak, Len, Kahmun who humored me even before my birthday by planning surprises after surprises for me (like the stupid Mac delivery surprise), who made an effort to be there with me despite being sick or having family matters to attend to.

Siaozabor Misty came and got drunk, started pointing at Jask, calling her a kueh lapis and laughed hysterically while downing Martell with me. Fucking hilarious. I could still see the image in my head. "KUEH LAPIS! Why is there a KUEH LAPIS here!? HAHAHAHA!! JASMINE YOU ARE A KUEH LAPIS!!!!"

And who could forget sweet Kelz who came down, plonked himself right before the BBQ pit and began cooking all the food for everyone at the chalet and then subsequently got me concussed from drinking his birthday gift. And then apologised regretfully, got me warm water and gave me medicine to eat.

Poor Tim Shim who egged me to drink Kelz's killer alcohol, patted my back while i puked over him later on and cleaned up after me when i concussed back on the floor.

Jules Jules, who kept me company throughout the night and kept me entertained. Kept the party going with his crazy antics and high spirits. And when i got drunk, he was there taking care of me as well, cleaning up after me, holding me and made me laugh even then.

Zhiwei rushed down from school, obediently drank alcohol which he usually refuse, and knowing me so well, bought me a book filled with short stories from the best American writers in history.

Oli, Hali and Drew who came down, the few of the classmates who actually bothered. And i lost the present they gave me when i got drunk and forgot where i left it. Turns out i left it at the chalet. =X Gotta go back and get it another day.

Mervyn Quek came down. The bastard said he couldn't but he did! Really glad and surprised to see him there after resigning myself to the fact that he won't come. Wanted to accompany him more but i was pretty drunk by then.

Jaz and Joey, Jask's and Dee's friends, turned up even though we don't know each other very well and even bought me a great present! :D

Timothy and Teng who made me laugh and kept me company for BOTH days. Played stupid games with me, talk cock and made me really happy. Nick came as well, and i think it was the greatest thing ever because it looks like Cupid came along and shot him and a great friend of mine in their backs, and i hope their first date will be fun. Heh heh heh :D

Alvin and Don came, but i was too drunk by then so i didn't see them. Squid came all the way from Jurong (knowing how fucking lazy he is) so i was glad to see him, hours after he arrived actually, when i woke up from my drunken stupor.

Chris came, donated our sound system, made stupid jokes, sang lame-ass songs and had everyone laughing. We both share a strange kind of friendship where we diss each other off but there's still a precious unspoken mutual understanding. Somehow i am able to draw from him strength and solace. I've never told him (it would be too gay and sentimental), but he always pops up next to me when i feel down.

It must either be perfect timing or something, i don't know. Have you guys ever been in a situation where you sink into a depression and sadness not even your closest friends know and though we want someone to cling on and cry, we don't call our friends for some strange reason?

Many times when i feel like that, he will zun zun call me or sms me or msn me, talk some nonsense, ask me out for a smoke, go for a drive/ride and then miraculously, i feel better. Without having to cry or talk it out, without him having to say anything remotely comforting. I think most of the time he is oblivious of my moods and thoughts. Which is fucking strange how someone can cheer me up when he is obtuse to how i feel and think, and don't really care to know either. It's such a profound but shallow relationship. Strange.

To him i'm just a girl who doesn't ask too much from him but gives him what he wants, so he enjoys being around me. I listen to him when he is vexed, talk sense to him when he is bullshitting, give in to his ways when he wants something. It may seem like he's being selfish, it is in a way, but unknowingly and unknown to others he gives me some kind of strength. Which i don't know where from him do i draw from, since he is obtuse, self-serving and is very lame. LOL. And the last night of the chalet, the few hours we spent together somehow left me much comforted. I don't know if it was the company, or the conversation or simply the need to have a shoulder to lie on. But i had my moment of peace and it helped a lot. I think only Dee suspected the emotional turmoil i had kept hidden inside myself during the chalet.

Though cliche, my mum's church friends bought me a huge pink teddy bear. LOL.

Aunty Meilian and Uncle (i just realised i still don't know his name), parents of my childhood friend, came down too. They've watched me grow up since i was 7 i think. Gave me a huge hongbao and when they heard that i might not have enough food, they walked all the way to Downtown East, hunted around and brought back loads of BBQ and junk food for me. And the next day sent their daughter Qiu Lin down with a huge ass amount of fried rice and beehoon.

Their sweet daughter was there throughout the chalet as well, helping my mum out and was such a dear. She's like a little sis to me as well. Watching her with my mum, i think she could have been my mum's child - sensible and sweet, and pleasing to the parent. Unlike me who's the fucked up daughter. LOL.

I kinda not very discreetly chased my mum from the chalet on the second night because it was the night for music, booze and ciggs. I should have approached it differently and not hurt her in the process but heck, i didn't gave much thought and shit happens. She contributed so much to the chalet and i chased her off. Ah fuck. You know, mums being mums, they really sacrifice a lot for their children and i have been a selfish, bastard child - to which i'm very guilty and have promised myself to be better behaved and love her more in future. Dad too, was great and likewise, told myself i will be more patient and loving to him in future.

Trying to remember who else came for the chalet. The later parts of Saturday are missing in memory because i had concussed by then and the bits and pieces i remember doesn't make sense and couldn't be fit into a timeline cos i've lost all sense of time.

It was real shitty to be running a fever and flu during the chalet. Only some of the people knew i was sick. After the chalet, i came home and slept all the way till 4.44am today. I was rather emo in the day as well because there was only Dee, my sis and i at the chalet and it was quiet and lonely, and emo because no one made an effort to come earlier to help. My idea was to have a chalet where i do nothing and have friends be nice to me but turned out it was self-service. Darn.

Turning 20 was a huge turning point. New insights, new revelations, more maturity, more issues, more sadness, more appreciation, more love, more pain and more experiences. Turning 20 was becoming a woman.

Turning 21 was becoming a woman who knows what is good for her, who is good for her and learning to become a person who is good to people who deserves her.

Which reminds me that there is a fucking nice guy out there whom i need to make up my mind on. Jask, Candy, my sis, his bro, would all kill me if i hurt him. I'm damn scared of nice guys. See the power of just one? All my friends and even my own sister has succumbed to his niceness and have turned against me. KNN.

OKAY LAH. Blog till shuang already. Been a long time since i've blogged so frankly and longwindedly. Gonna go play lego with my sis HEHEHEHEHE.

90 minutes to 21

2009-01-28T22:26:00.008+08:00

Can't believe i actually fell sick the day before my birthday. Must be the lack of sleep, having to go out with my family in the day and entertaining Vic at night. Or it would be the frog porridge i ate yesterday.....

Spot the frog.

I had a pre-birthday surprise yesterday night. Though it was really simple, i was very touched. Had to turn away from him so he did not see the tears. He really made the effort to make things perfect and it was perfect :) And despite it being his favourite childhood soft toy, he gave it to me knowing how much i love cats.

It doesn't matter if the chalet screws up now. I already had a fantastic present.

Anyway, CNY is over so everyone is RICH now right.... start shopping for my birthday present! Being ever kind and considerate, let me help you maximise your money in such economic trying times. Here's what i like!

1. Baileys Irish Cream.
2. Cats
3. Fiction Books
4. Shopping Vouchers (cos i'm too broke to shop lol)
5. Hard disk
6. A bag
7. JADE! Lol!
8. A lego set :D
9. Guppies & potted plants
10. Petrol vouchers HAHAHAHA

I will love you and give you my sis as gratitude (if you're a guy) or my 6 unknown ugly looking fish if you're a girl. See how nice i am.

OOPS! Chill @ Timbre

2009-01-23T18:14:00.001+08:00

Another upcoming event by the OOPS! team. Unlike its precedents, this upcoming event is a chill-out session for people to sit back and relax among friends. Nothing like the previous events with huge fanfare of performers, a long itinerary of activities, crowd and more crowd.

As you can see from the grand plan of the day, simply turn up with friends at one of the best chill out locations in town and enjoy free flow of food, drinks as well as music from renowned local bands like West Grand, AstroNinja and EIC. Not forgetting SP's own bands!

Jask and i were once again involved with the event planning - running through the plans with the younger OOPS! members and coming up with the schedule, itinerary, games, gifts, food & drinks. We've come a long way since our first issue. The team is now better equipped, everyone step up to their roles and know perfectly well what's expected from them and things run like clockwork. A big difference from our humble beginnings where we had so much problems! Manpower shortages, lack of funding and support from the school, equipment shortages and lots of chaos. Hahaha.

Fairuz is a superwoman. I really, really admire her. She is the driving force and the heart of the magazine. Without her, nothing would be possible. Students come and go but she is always there running things with her usual efficiency and humor. Sick humor. LOL.

I would love to be present at the event but i've other plans made. But at least Jask and I would be going down to ensure everything's fine and be there to help them solve any last minute crisis (which would definitely happen, shit would just happen.)

If any SP students or alumni comes across this, do make a trip down. You'll have fun, promise :)

Why being a girl is not all great.

2009-01-22T21:55:00.006+08:00

Click to enlarge.

My cousin, the poet.

2009-01-22T12:00:00.003+08:00

I HAD NO IDEA MY COUSIN HAS A BLOG! Or cousins, actually.

Okay, what's the big deal? Almost every other teen has a blog. But i watched them grew up! I saw them when they were cute little toddlers, i watched them grew into rowdy children and after that into young teens. Yet in my mind they're always kids to me. Wait. Oh my god they're almost 18!

I am ANCIENT.

The younger girl's blog is the typical i love my boyfriend i shall plaster a huge-ass picture banner of us on my blog. When i say huge, i mean HUGE.

Her brother's blog is a different story altogether. Of all my cousins, i think we have the most in common. I remembered talking to him a few years back when he was about to graduate from secondary school. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that he loves writing and he wanted to pursue an education in theatre and arts.

When i was at his age, that was what i wanted to do. I wanted to be in theatre work. But along the way, other opportunities opened up, i learnt more about the media and arts industry, and eventually settled down on TV production.

3 years down the road, i'm glad to see that he has remained true to his calling and has continued writing. While i've moved into mainstream media, he is still very much into literature and theatre. You guys should see his blog. Filled with poems and poetric musings. And no, they aren't your usual roses are red, violets are blue poems. His is the real deal. Pretty amazing for someone his age who has yet to experience many of the trials and tribulations that await him.

I would like to share his works, but i'm not comfortable with the idea of revealing his blog. For writers, what's written are usually very personal. Every piece of writing draws on something within the writer himself. We put in a little of ourselves into our works. Even for myself, reading his blog feels like an infringement on his thoughts.

But here's one written by him which i particularly like....

Fragile

If our tenure, my friend, on this stolid earth
is so transient and insignificant
Then why do we not indulge in what we love
But tethered to chains of convention?

Oh is a crime to drink and make merry?
Surfeiting, it quenches life's meloncholy
And though righteous men doth question my sanity
Of relapsing a simien ancestry

I shall not fear the noteriety
Hurled by this scruptulous society
Accusation of abandoning propriety
And of entertaining an immorality

Like a candle our lives are burning
Each day an eventual death threat
Each moment is a point of no returning
Each day life doth brims of dread

Life is a debt i owe but to myself
I shall live to please myself, and no one else

- wenpu.

Wine selling in car parks.

2009-01-20T05:26:00.009+08:00

EDIT: 21 Jan 09

Angmoh OWNED.

Here's an article recently published on 19 January 2009 from the Straits Times Singapore - Free booty in carparks.

As quoted from the article:

Women wine sellers are targeting lone motorists in carparks with offers of 'great deals' on wine, or even 'free wine', for which they ask a token sum of up to $100 per bottle.

It is rather unfortunate (but rather amusing) that a friend of mine happened to fall victim to these scheming infidels. Rather harsh? I think not. It is one thing to employ unconventional sales tactics. It is another thing entirely to engage in tale-spinning and manipulation when selling products.

From what i heard from my friend, she was approached by a man and two ladies who stopped their vehicle in front of hers and offered her some wine, citing something like their restaurant closed-down (along those lines, i don't remember what was the exact tale they spun) and they did not know what to do with all the bottles of wine.

When she agreed to take a bottle, the woman asked for a "token sum". Taken aback, she asked how much would that be and one of the women hinted that the previous lady gave them $80 per bottle. Outnumbered by the sellers and in a hurry, my friend paid them $80 and drove off with the bottle of wine.

Which is rather similar to what was reported in the Straits Times article..

They spin tales of quarrels with chefs from fancy restaurants and hotels such as The Fullerton and Swissotel. Because of these disputes, they have to find other means of selling the wine or in some cases, they say, it is their way of getting back at the unreasonable chefs.

Anyone who buys their story would be asked for sums ranging from $30 to $100, for wine that the women indicate is worth $500 or more. Deal sealed, a receipt is made out to the buyer and the women move on to their next catch.

This incident happened on the same day as the published article and we only happened to see the article together at 2 am just now. How unlucky could she get?!

The worst part was finding out that the bottle of wine only costs about $12 or so, and could even be "artificially sweetened". Like, OMG! Who knows what else could have been added. (Think China milk.) And she paid 80 friggin bucks for it.

Hello, buy us. We're not cheap, we're just misrepresented.

~~Mr Victor Toh, owner of Dickson Enterprise. The only thing you~~ did right was in naming your company. There he was, feigning innocence saying how he has fired the trainer who had taught his staff to tell those stories, that his sellers were always polite and customer-oriented, that he has received "few" complaints and his sales are picking up...

Oh is that right?

1. You are selling wine illegal at mall carparks without proper license or approval.

2. You are selling wine at a premium price when they are worth at a much lower price.

3. You are manipulating and misleading your customers by misrepresenting the products you are selling and THAT itself, is a breach of consumer rights.

Okay, this did not happened to me so i shouldn't be pissed off about it but HELLO? You cheated my friend. Plus i hate businesses that employ such tactics. I absolutely abhor such sales methods. People are fucking paying you money so you should at least be fucking honest right? And geez, selling wine, in cars, with scantily-clad women, is so low class please! It is bad enough to be flooded with spam mail in emails, spam smses in handphones, spam callers in phones, spam advertisements on the streets, spam pamphlets in the letterbox but now? Spam wine sellers in carparks?!

It sucks to be a consumer.

Well this man insisted that a full refund or replacement would be made if customers are unsatisfied. I sure hope it's true because Jask and I are making a trip down to his office tomorrow....

EDIT:

Jask and i headed down to their office today and met Dickson in person. We met a well-dressed man who was sincerely apologetic and extremely polite. The moment he met us, he apologised to us and despite being upset with his staff, he defended them and apologised in their stead. He even bowed to us and apologised! Jask and i were so embarrassed and felt really sheepish!

He nicely explained to us about his wines and readily refunded us the full sum. He even gave us the bottle we wanted to return as a complimentary gift and told us to give his company and the wine a chance. (Well we would like to, but we left the wine overnight in the car and none of us are willing to risk drinking it!)

Now i feel a great deal pity for him. If he was the one out selling the wines, people would love him. But too bad he has employed people who resort to unsavory sales tactics. My apologies to Dickson. Shame on his employees though!

Satan owns Jesus!

2009-01-18T05:30:00.007+08:00

I just came back from watching the movie "The Hunting of Molly Hartley".

No spoilers here, no worries.

If you enjoy movies with built-up suspense that ends on a sour note or films with no plot, this is the perfect show for you. I can't believe it actually got a 4-star rating. 4 star!!! When Australia only got 3!

Seriously.

The first ten minutes of the film was pretty good. I actually forgot i was eating a subway sandwich and my eyes were glued to the screen in anticipation. Afterwards, i forgot i was actually watching a film and was engrossed with eating.

From what i heard from Jask, the trailer was really scary. This is one of the scenarios where the trailer outshines the actual film itself. We've seen it happen so many times. Comedic films that failed to entertain because the best bits were all in the trailer itself and boy, have we seen it a hundred times over. Or trailers that promises an all-action flick but disappoints with a dragged-out film.

The story plot was so weak. Good films are those that comes in layers and layers of content. There's always a smaller story within a story itself. But in this movie, there was only one single story plot - the whole movie runs along this single line of story and the only layer we have is the suspense. Lots of suspense.

Little effort was spent on the relationships between characters. There was so much opportunity to show the lead's relationship with her parents - such as the before and after. It would have shown the emotional effect the incident had on the girl and the audience would have been able to understand better her trauma and fear. There were also the relationship between the girl and her friends, the love interest, etc.

But what we mostly saw were scenes of her hyperventilating in toilets, waking up from bad dreams and having nosebleeds.

What actually proved to be most entertaining throughout the film is how they were outrightly poking fun at Christianity, the bible and the existence of god. They were really at it. It was a proud and loud proclaim that you are a loser if you're Christian, and that being on the dark side is all rewarding and great. The Christian community would totally hate this film.

Even for someone like me, who is neutral towards religions unless their practitioners try to force it upon me, i felt the film kinda overdid the whole dissing of Christianity and God. Boy, the writer/s must REALLY hate Jesus.

So with the fucked plot, you can imagine that at the end of the film, where you wait for the big bang, the whole mystery-is-solved hoohaah, the final revelation, the ultimate showdown..... all you get when the lights turn back on is WHAT THE FUCK? THAT'S IT? YOU MEANT I SAT THROUGH ALL THESE SHIT, SPENT 10 BUCKS, 2 HOURS and THAT'S FUCKING IT?!

Conclusion?

Must watch film if you are bored, retarded or you hate Christians.

0 star/5 stars!

Can you imagine this is Singapore?

2009-01-17T10:10:00.004+08:00

* Found these photos in my mac, not sure who were the photographers, my apologies.

Guess the chinese phrase.

2009-01-17T06:02:00.003+08:00

"I see you no up!"

Dear Clarisse,

2009-01-15T22:36:00.005+08:00

Clarisse says: (11:36:03PM)

i don't know you well enough to know about tt.

but most of the things that we are confused or worry about

usually stems from us not being honest with ourselves ba

thinking certain things are fine. pretending some things doesn't matter. ignoring things we don't want to face. substituting certain feelings with others...

all because we're afraid that we might stop functioning if we were to acknowledge the probs we were trying to ignore.

i don't know if that's the case for you.

only you would know.

funny how you could dish that advice out to others, but fail to act on it yourself.

50+ Singapore Exposition 2009

2009-01-12T22:30:00.012+08:00

I had such an exhausting weekend! It was mentally and physically punishing. I just woke up from an 18-hours sleep and i still feel like i've been thrown off a ten-story building!

Jask got me on board as an event manager for 50+ Singapore Exposition 2009, an event for third age.

Which actually is a nice way to call people who are old.

The two day event was held at Suntec Convention Centre and was a government-supported expo to encourage and promote healthy and fulfilling lifestyle for the "third age" people. The place was basically split into 5 different zones - Living, Travel, Health and Fitness, Finance and Innovation.

I was in charge of the travel pavillion and what i expected to be simple turned out disastrously chaotic and busy. I had 6 student helpers and 12 senior helpers under my care. For my area, i was running a photography booth whereby visitors get to wear a costume and take a photo before a backdrop of their choice (such as the Great Wall of China, Eiffel Tower, etc.) and get an instant print free-of-charge. On top of that, they get a lucky draw coupon and a free gift.

Sounds easy?

Nooooooooooo! Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

The organisers forgot to prepare cameras and i had to make do with personal cameras that kept dying on us. Then we realised we should be given photo papers instead of normal ones. When we got our papers, our inks ran out. When we got our inks, our camera batteries ran flat. When the organisers finally purchased new cameras for us, our photo paper ran out and we were given A4 size glossy papers which we had to cut. Then there were the problems with the costumes - things disappearing, fabric getting torn, stitchings coming off, people too fat to fit into them..

On top of equipment problems, i had to keep an eye on the lucky draw and freebies redemption booth, ensuring the lucky draws are sent to the main stage on time and the freebies cupboard well-stocked. There was the scheduling problem as well.. everyone needed to be given time off for lunch, with special care taken to ensure the seniors were well-fed and rested. Only when everyone had theirs then did i take my lunch.. almost 4 hours away from the end of event, so it was like a lunch-dinner. Throughout the day, i had to manage the crowd, answer enquiries, resolve arguments among staff and guests, placate angry, unreasonable old people.......

GAHHHH!!!

At one point, i passed by Jask and her student helpers, and not-so-subtly asked, "Are you hungry? Wanna eat old people? I'm going to kill some," only to receive a horrified response from her and the realisation that her senior helper was just next to me. LOL. The guys with her burst out laughing at the two of us.

Bad things aside, i had a jolly good time overall. My senior helpers were such dears! I love them to bits! Nancy, Rose, Irene, Emily, Choo, Begum, May, Patrick, James, Koo Peng, Florence and dear uncle Winston.

The ladies were so motherly! When the costumes were damaged the first day, they came back the second day armed with safety pins, sewing needles, thread and various knick-knacks and fixed everything for me!

Patrick returned on the second day with a stack of papers and an idea of a system that could be implemented to reduce the queues, and my was he good with the ladies. Teaching them how to pose, how to flutter their eyes at the cameras, he was good at putting people at ease before the cameras.

Dear old Winston, my favourite of the lot! He's a very educated old man, who has a really great disposition and is really hardworking. I had to keep chasing him to go for his break. Instead of me looking after him, it felt like he was watching my back all the time. Ready to assume any roles to help me out, always the last to go for his break, ready with advice and conversation, and never a word of complain. I really respect him. While i myself was tired from standing and running about all day, all i saw from him was always a smile on his face and a readiness to contribute. Shows how much more youngsters like me ought to learn and respect elders like him.

As cliche as it sounds, this event really made me change my perspective of the elderly. Because of the lack of understanding and interaction, i had this notion that senior citizens were all old and senile, who are unaware of the world and its happenings. I realised i have been underestimating my own grandparents and have not been giving them the respect and patience they deserve. They are not stupid or senile. They are just like us. Exactly like us.

There are the bad ones who are unreasonable and rude. There are the nice ones who are sweet and harmless. There are the intelligent ones who have led a fulfilling life and have a lot of experience and advice to give. There are the respected ones who have contributed to the society and world. There are also the weak ones, prone to self-pitying, whining, accusations, mockings.

I've kinda always treated them like idiots, thinking that they don't understand or won't understand. But now i realised that when i ignore certain things my grandparents say or when fail to give them my full attention when they talk, and also how i always speak to them as though they are children and behave impatiently when they try to tell me something - they will feel hurt. I would, if i talk to someone and they give me half-assed answers.

This may have been an event to aid the elderly in living a more enriching lifestyle, but it has certainly taught youngsters like me what i have been missing out on. Seeing the way my young helpers interacted with the elderly visitors made me realise how rude, impatient and pompous we actually are. And that has made me gentler, more understanding and respectful of my senior helpers and visitors.

But for the fucked up old people. Sorry, you may be old but that's certainly not an excuse to be fucked up. You fuck me, i will fuck you back. There was this BITCH assigned to my area who was a nut case. She whined, she self-pitied, she lied, she pushed blame, she was irresponsible, she was rude, she expected to be treated like a VIP and she gave me hell. I was there to run and manage my area, not to babysit old fuckers who are immatured. Especially an old fucker who was paid to do work.

Mind you, she wasn't the kind of elderly who's bent with age, with a head of white hair and is all wrinkly. She's probably in her early forties, has a head of black hair, minimal wrinkles, slim and healthy with four performing limbs and an active brain. I wasn't bullying someone weaker but someone experienced with age but acting like a petulant young child of eight. The other in-charges had arguments and problems with her as well.

I had to call in Justin to resolve the problem. And she began insulting my team which got me really pissed off....

"Chaocheebye, you are getting paid to do work, not to whine and make things difficult for everyone. I'm here to run my pavilion, not to FUCKING babysit you. When i give you work, you run away or you refuse to do. You don't want to do this, you don't want to do that. If you're not happy, you can go home. I don't give a fuck. I don't need you here anyway. Don't fucking talk like my people and i are not doing a proper job when you are not doing anything AT ALL!"

And know what she said?! "You just assume i don't want to do work, you never ask me." and promptly turned to Justin and started pushing the blame to me for not assigning her a role that she likes, instead of herself for rejecting all roles i offered her! Kanina chaocheebye!

I REALLY wanted to beat her up like a chao ah lian. I even began fantasing about punching her in the face as she yaks to Justin, pull her hair and start slapping her till the fuck face is swollen then kick her out of my area.

Niceness prevailed. In the end i dumped her at the furthest booth away from all activities where i did not have to deal with her and where she is of minimal disturbance to others.

With all the physical activities, lack of rest and sleep, skipped meals, emotional strain of dealing with people and mental stress, i was totally drained at the end of two days. But it was an enriching weekend that taught me a lot.

I was almost in tears when each of my senior helpers came up to me personally when the event ended, held my hand and thanked me for my care. I didn't expect it. I did what i wanted to do. It wasn't anything amazing or deserving. It was the right thing to do.

They were the ones who made things happen, not I. But to have them coming up to me and thanking me for all that, i didn't know what to say but to thank them back instead. I came back richer with money but even wealthier in experience and life's lessons.

Thanks to them :)

Decent guys are dead men.

2009-01-09T01:05:00.005+08:00

Long hiatus from blogging. I started an entry on how pissed off i am with the male species but gave it up halfway to eat supper. If i grow any fatter, it's their fault. What is going on inside the heads of theirs? I think the head down below is running at 100% capacity and whatever that's on top is defunct.

I need to state explicitly, right to the point and at times, rudely, in order for them to understand. What happened to self-enlightenment??? If not for the few dudes whom i'm particularly close to and fond of, i would proclaim all men are IDIOTS.

And anyway, all nice guys are either dead, gay or attached. Woe begone us single girls. Whatever left on the market are either

1. Stupid like fuck

2. "I'm not ready to commit" (FUCK YOU)

3. Cheat on girls

4. Underage boys

5. Prehistoric remains

6. Serving the beloved nation

Sigh.

For those lucky girls who are attached, YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND how hard it is to find a decent guy. My standard has been dropping in a steep decline to the point that any lower it goes, i'll be married to a walking platypus with herpes. So, fuck it. I'm done. There's no point swimming in an algae-filled pond trying to find fish.

You either get poisoned or end up with some weird mutated thing.

Of course, my apologies to nice single guys out there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you are probably dead and unaware of it. That's why girls ignore you and you're still unattached. GAH! I'm turning into a disillusioned, vindictive bitch.... and probably into a disillusioned, vindictive OLD bitch. Kua kua kua........

Faith

2009-01-06T21:43:00.003+08:00

Faith

I won't live again
Afterall i'm gone
With the leap of faith
Darkness has turn me in
You're wondering if i'm ok
Only thing is i'm just faded

If you lost and looked
You'd find me again
If you think i'd be waiting
This time, i won't be

Some people are meant to die
Boy you shouldn't cry
Time flies so come by
Come and say goodbye

I won't be around
I won't say Hi
But if you miss me
Just remember i'll be smiling
And someday, one day
We'll meet again

：）

2008-12-29T22:07:00.007+08:00

“应该让你乘着飞机展翅飞上云端，然而过多的思念让我选择纪念你。”

Merry X'mas bitches!

2008-12-26T11:57:00.012+08:00

Happy Christmas to all!

I have been enjoying my break and i haven't been updating as often as i would like to. I've been meeting so many people and doing so many things, i'm so exhausted!

A recent trip to IKEA, my dad's hard manual labor and uber persuasion from me has transformed the house into a real home.

Newly painted walls, new furniture (that matches the wall, FINALLY), a clean and pretty room, and my study area by the balcony. It took me almost a week to tidy and organise all the stuff. Now all that's left is for me to start nesting and decorating. Happy :)

There's a lot i wish to blog about. So many things are happening to me right now.

Everyday there's something to look forward to, a new exciting thing to attempt, a new friend to be made, a new beginning all over again and again. And with the year coming to an end soon, i've been thinking a lot about 2008 and what i hope 2009 would be like.

Needless to say, it was quite a disastrous year for relationships. The strain of being in a relationship that was going downhill and the breakup aftermath. The hardest part was telling myself to stop trying to understand why it happened. I'm working on it though.

I think due to experience and age, he has conducted himself on a much matured level than i did. How do i put the meaning through? Maturity comes with experience. I did many things, many immatured and irrational things, due to my inexperience with handling with breakups. Having gone through the process and reflected back on it, well NOW I KNOW what not to do after a breakup. A whole long impressive list of them.

My mum has been working her magic on me again.

If i'm anymore evil i would have prayed aloud that she'll lose her voice for 2 weeks. Two blessed weeks of peace. Sigh. I cannot emphasize the point in any more ways. YES I WILL GO BACK TO SCHOOL. But i need TIME to DECIDE. It will be a decision i need to live with for the next TWO YEARS at least. I am NOT going to make a hasty decision just to please you and suffer for it later.

No matter what, i am determined to enjoy my break. I need the rest. My mind, my body and my heart are all battered and bruised. It's been great so far! 12 hours of sleep a day. Lots of reading. Been cooking a little here and there.

Catching up with old friends.

Met so many new ones.

Movies, prawning, mustafa-ing, teh-pengs, exploration, driving, renovations, clubbing, digging holes at Palawan beach at 4am on a Friday morning. I'm going to buy guppies. I want to plant plants and make my balcony pretty. I plan to go Vietnam or Taiwan or Bangkok...

Well i don't really care where - as long as it's a holiday trip out of Singapore.

Life is filled with the unexpected and merry everyday. It's not perfect but i'm as happy as can be. So for that i should count my blessing and be satisfied. I am satisfied.

EXCITING!!!!! This is a project Jask and I have been working on for sometime.

Must support okay. Click here to find out more more more more more! And if you like it, do pass the word around! :D

I'm going to bed now. I woke up at 7pm on Thursday night to meet Hak, Len and Cind at Pioneer Mall, went IMM with Teu and Len, sent Len to camp, went Jurong Point with Teu to buy groceries, met Jask for supper, picked up sis and went Sentosa Beach, met Chris and went for supper round 2, had a couple of drinks with him at 7 in the morning, finished my Taiwan idol drama... and it's Friday 1.35pm now!

NEED. TO. SLEEP.

Good night, good bye, good day all :)

One step at a time.

2008-12-17T06:09:00.004+08:00

After almost nine months, i finally put on the jogging shoes. The familiarity is still there. The memories still strong, almost like yesterday. And the same wistful sadness, always as fleetingly, comes back haunting me.

Running. Always running. I've never taken a pause in all these months.

Running from what though? The past? The present? Or the very devil himself?

I wish i had the courage to know.

Excited!

2008-12-16T07:40:00.005+08:00

A preview of something coming up soon! :D

Dependency

2008-12-03T16:02:00.003+08:00

Habit

2008-12-02T17:48:00.005+08:00

Habit is a scary thing.
习惯是个可怕的事。

It strips you of all your dreams; it takes away your mind and you lapse into a never-ending circle of routine. Smoking becomes a habit, having late meals becomes a habit, oversleeping becomes a habit, everything becomes a habit.

Gone are the unpredictable, sporadic, whimsical, totally random and unnecessary behaviours, thoughts, dreams, actions, needs. Whatever happened to the impetuous child in us? Silenced by the heavy chains of routine.

The saddest part is when you become someone else's habit. Knowing fully well the person doesn't love you, yet you are unable to pull yourself away from him, because he needs you, though just not the way you want him to.

You become an object, a routine, a fix entity of need. Wherehence from this moment onwards you ceased to be a person but a bad addiction instead. People all tire of habits eventually. They feel trapped. They seek change. And what happens when they're unable to break out of their habits and thus, a habit becomes a burden?

Such ensuing confusion.

Rebel. We rebel. We rebel against routine, against habits, against conformity. Even if it means compromising on your own beliefs and moral values. Rebel, even if it means hurting another person. Because you need this to feel alive.

You need the unpredictable, the sporadic, the whimsical, the unnecessary, the random things to feel different and to break free.

Habit is a scary thing.

I've seen how it has ruined lives, and hearts, and brought on pain and tears. I know how it must feel, to have someone tell you you're a habit. You know this will not bode well for you. And indeed.

I cannot say i understood the need to hurt hearts in order to find release and freedom, for i have been put through such trials and heartaches for the man i love in order to set him free.

Yet i cannot say i don't understand why such drastic actions are needed because i have felt the need to shake off the habits of mine. And have suffered tremendous guilt for them.

I have been on both sides. I have seen them. And i've suffered for my part in them. It continues to be a thorn on the side, for i cannot forgive nor forget, neither can i move forth or look back. I myself, have a habit to break. And a heavy one at that.

For he may have rebelled and broken the chains of routine and habits, cured himself of me, but he remains very much my tiresome burden, my addiction, my habit. I were to wish for a cure, now.

Bah!

2008-12-01T16:21:00.006+08:00

I realised that my worst writings are the ones in my blog entries.

A good piece of writing is one that is lucid and concise. Here, i write whatever that comes to mind, everything's really disorganised and i tend to forget about writing properly. Like punctuation, grammar, sentence structure, etc, are all fucked. And i tend to digress and write other stuff when i get distracted.

End. Gotta go shopping.

Two sides to life

2008-11-30T23:13:00.004+08:00

I really do work, i do.

2008-11-27T18:51:00.004+08:00

Here's what i do at work nowadays.

I come in to the office in the late mornings, settle down at my horrendously messy desk - this was taken when i tidied up last week. Right now, I can't even find my keyboard!

Make myself a cup of tea and proceed to read BBC, Reuters, MSNBC, CNN, ABC News, TIME, FOX news, People.com (lots of gossips), Discovery News and my favourite - METRO weird headlines of the day! This is where i read about weird headlines around the world such as....

- Thieves steal house brick by brick
- Drunk driver runs over himself
- Two-headed kitten =X

And the first work-related thing to do is to check the schedule. I've heard this admonishment from Kok Hong so many times, he should probably make it into a rap.

"Clarisse, when i'm not around, i really need you to run the schedule."
"Clarisse, make sure we deliver on time, i really need you to be here."
"Clarisse, we must follow strictly and you must keep an eye on things for me."

Same thing, spoken in a million different ways. Geez.

I'm in the midst of post-production for my program, so the work load's substantially lesser now. What i do is to ensure that all broadcast tapes are completed and delivered to the clients on time, write the program synopsis for each episode and do random things like sticking labels on the tapes, writing addresses on envelopes, hunting for double-sided tape, printing labels and forms, etc.

I'm also producing trailers now - basically i write voice-over scripts, arrange for Quill Potter to come over for the VO recording and the editor will help cut the trailers. Besides post-production work, i am still coordinating for Kok Hong's shoot in China, and the subsequent one coming up this Saturday. I have to prepare the budget for the trip, the equipments, miniDV tapes, flight bookings, accomodation, transportation, the list goes on...

You see, i do work. I do really do work, like real work, despite how i may always seem relaxed and all. But of course, working hard entails fun time as well. On good days where i will finish everything by lunchtime, i'd adjourn to what i call "my private suite."

The Meeting Room. LOL

Here, i can:

1. Sleep

2. Get lots of sun and be warm & comfy.

3. Surf the internet & discreetly camwhore :P

4. Then there's always the last vice.....

Irritating Leroy.

=P

Good Grief!

2008-11-26T15:34:00.007+08:00

I would like to smash something.
MAKE ME TYPE ONE MORE CHINESE WORD AND I WILL BURN ALL THINGS FCKIN' PRINTED IN MANDARIN AND DESTROY ALL CHINESE WRITING SOFTWARES.

Can you believe i've been writing in Mandarin since... 2pm yesterday?!
I so need to strangle something or someone.

EVERYONE SHOULD LEARN ENGLISH.

GOD!

You know who you are.

2008-11-24T02:07:00.005+08:00

Seriously.

I didn't want to make a big deal or get pissed about this, but you really had to make me so angry with your accusations and jealousy. I've been tolerating and being nice, but you just had to push my limits.

I don't know what's up with that attitude thing again. If you are unable to restrain and keep your emotions in check, that's your freaking problem. You don't have to show me a bad attitude and make unsubtle digs at me.

You just reminded me once again one of the reasons why things always become tense and unfriendly between the two of us. I did nothing to antagonise you, and if you are unhappy about certain things, throwing tantrums and being rude doesn't solve anything.

I'm damn sick of your random mood swings. One moment you are fine, the next moment you're giving the fucking dulan face and being mean to cats. C'mon man. Even the weather's more stable than your emotions.

What i do is none of your business and you have no right in my private affairs, so stop being mean about it. I am doing my best not to hurt feelings or disrespect you, but all the accusing smses from you doesn't help shit ok. "If you are busy meeting other guys... blah blah"

1. Don't accuse me of things you don't know shit.
2. It is none of your business anyway. That is my private life.
3. If you are jealous, deal with it maturely please.

I don't have to suffer because you are being jealous and silly and totally unreasonable. The next time you are in one of your moods again, don't fucking sms me because i won't entertain you. Come talk to me only when you are being reasonable.

One week, i've kept my peace. But everything has a limit. Go and think about how you have been behaving and SEE CLEARLY how unreasonable and unfair you were.

I love Misty.

2008-11-22T04:37:00.006+08:00

This is what happens when you meet Misty.

You camwhore shamelessly in public.

Wake Up Call

2008-11-19T04:02:00.005+08:00

I must write down this moment.

Clarisse, please don't make sacrifices and allow yourself to be used again. For fuck sake, remember how degraded, used and angry you are feeling now. And keep in memory the indignation you felt and how stupid you are to allow such a thing to happen to you. Swear to yourself you will not soften your heart against him again, and promise never to do things against your will to make another person happy. Because people don't give a fuck about how you feel.

For a while now, i've known that the scales were tipped in favour towards him. Long before today, i knew he was taking more than he was giving, and that i was doing things against my will for him. I thought it would be fine, that the stakes would be balanced. Afterall, we are both in a same situation. And i thought i wouldn't care enough to be bothered.

But things changed. I'm not sure when exactly did it happen, but it became different. He became much more important than i wanted him to. I don't like him much, but i've grown attached to him. Does that even make sense? I am clear about who i love, but he has managed to capture some part of my heart and softened it towards him. Very sad for me.

Only today did i see the full picture of who i am to him. Needless to say, it was very degrading and i'm fucking pissed off about it. I do not want to be downgraded to a level where i am categorised together with the brainless, stupid people. I am of a much better calibre, intelligence and am much more capable than those girls. At least i write and speak coherently, and i have a higher IQ than most people i know. I could go on about how i am better, and i swear it will be the truth. Ask Jasmine. She will delight in sharing about the ludicrous incident at Macdonalds, where at the end of it, we both had a headache.

I would love to go on about it more, but there's a need to restrain myself as this is, a public blog, afterall. I'm just disappointed at how things turn out. Is it the way i portray myself, that men don't respect me enough? Or it is because t i cannot say no a person without feeling guilty, when in most cases, i have the right to say no?

Since KL's death, i've been thinking a lot about my own life and the direction it is going. It is strange how a death can affect one so. Suddenly things falls into places, confusion is waylaid by a new determination, and the eyes that were open and unseeing finally saw truth and answers.

I must remember today, and remember that i will never do things against my instinct, make unworthy sacrifices and be taken advantaged of again. Sometimes being nice just won't do.

So fucking remember this Clarisse.

P/S: Disclaimer: Merv, this is not about you okay. As much as i may flare up against you cos you just have a way in making me real frustrated, you are still an important person in my life. And Christ' sake, you are not a fucking substitute. I don't just ask you out when i need you okay. I did asked you out when i don't need you, just to catch up, but YOU were studying. Remember hor.
And your soft toy has officially been adopted ~~taken hostage~~ by Jask.

Yup, you are the greatest victim of all times.

2008-11-18T16:30:00.005+08:00

I finally understood what Jask meant.... BECAUSE I AM FEELING THE EXACT SAME FEELINGS SHE FELT. Good god! I really get what she told me now. And she was right, bulls-eyed exactly.

She said "You just wait and see."

Yeah, the prophet in her was accurate for once.

I have a private blog which Merv found out about. I trust him, so i did not change the address or do anything to block him from reading. But i've blocked off the access now. He seriously pissed me off.

Last night, i blogged about something there, which of course, i'm not privy to disclose here. And after reading the entry, the bastard started his nonsensical childish shit again. I wasn't even talking about HIM. And he took it upon himself to take it that whatever i was talking about involved him, started going on the friends-will-only-take-advantage-of-you shit, and went on to write about it everywhere.

Grow up please.

In the first place, i'm talking about the other guy, not you.

And secondly, i'm talking about guys i'm involved with, not guys who are my friends.

I don't see why i need to explain myself when i did nothing wrong and you were the one who jumped to conclusions, again. And sometimes, instead of berating how all your friends betray you, you need to look inside yourself honestly and ask yourself. Have you been a good friend?

Being a good friend isn't all about being there for each other. It is about trusting the person. I don't know how am i going to continue being a friend for you, when i need to watch myself, afraid that the things i do or say might be misconstrued by you into something else. I do not like the feeling of constantly having to explain myself to you when you make a wrong interpretation of things. I hate it especially, when it feels like you are just waiting for me to make a mistake, say one wrong word, so you can prove to the world and yourself that your whole idea of how friends cannot be trusted can be proven true.

I am not going to walk into a friendship with a person who is just waiting to prove that friendship is just a farce.

Being friends is not about proving you're right. Nor it is about making things difficult just to prove your point. It is stupid to chase all your friends away by being asshole, then start self-pitying saying that friends are never there.

You make it so difficult to be your friend, that people leave you. And you blame them. But have you thought about how you've hurt them as well? The friendship is not just about how you can be hurt by it, but how you've hurt us when we tried to be there for you.

If you don't trust me, no matter what i do, this situation will simply repeat itself again.

And i am not going to try and explain myself again to salvage this friendship.

You say i treated you like a substitute, as a stepping stone?

I say you're all out to prove that friendship is a farce when you actually need friends, and because of the inner conflict and paranoia, you hurt the people around you. And when they leave you, you accuse them of not being friends. When the problem stems from you not trusting us. Without a strong foundation of trust, where's the friendship. Why don't you tell me then.

In memory of HKL

2008-11-13T23:58:00.006+08:00

How to say goodbye to a friend

When you had not spoke for years on end

Is this grief or a sense of regret

Or the shock of sudden death

Were you hurting when you left

How did it happen, how did it end?

How do you say goodbye to a friend

Who treated you well when you were bad

Were you hurting when you left

How did it happen, how did it end?

Got the news that a friend passed away. It was quite sudden and i'm still quite shocked now. He was only 20. Was. That is such a sad word.

I first met him in primary school. And the first time we spoke when i was 15, when i met him at the basketball court. He wasn't very smart, he wasn't very good looking and he wasn't blessed as much as some people are. But he was a giving person, a good friend, someone who was loyal and good-hearted.

I haven't talked to him for 4 years. I am shocked and sadden by his death. In a way, not grieving because afterall, we've lost contact for some time. But very much affected. Perhaps it's the realisation of life's vulnerability. Perhaps it's the guilt that i could have handled the situation back then differently and treated him better. Perhaps it's sadness that someone i used to be close to passed away. Or perhaps, because he once liked me, that there is this invisible string that once bonded him to me, and is tugging at me now, and i feel upset, in a weird way.

To him,

The only thing the living could do for the dead is to remember. And i will remember you for your kindness and friendship. And if there comes a day where memory fails me, this entry will remind me of you. I will live my life well. I hope wherever you are, you will find peace within yourself. Goodbye, my friend.

No holes in my shoes but a big hole in my world.

2008-11-12T02:52:00.006+08:00

Going back to the corner where i first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, i'm not gonna move

Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand

Saying if you see this man can you tell him where i am

Policeman says girl you can't stay here

I said there's someone i am waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year

Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows

If he changes his mind this is the first place he will go

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

And your hearts starts to wonder where on earth i can be

Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place where we'd meet

You'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street